Life in Hell
     A guy dies and wakes up to find he is in hell. He's really depressed 
     as he stands in the processing line waiting to talk to an admittance 
     counselor. He thinks to himself "I know I lead a wild life but I wasn't 
     that bad. I never thought it would come to this." Looking up he sees 
     that it is his turn to be processed into hell. With fear and a heavy 
     heart, he walks up to the counselor. 
     Counselor: What's the problem, you look depressed? 
     Guy: Well, what do you think? I'm in hell.
     Counselor: Hell's not so bad, we actually have a lot of fun. Do you 
     like to drink? 
     Guy: Sure, I love to drink. 
     Counselor: Well then, you are going to love Mondays. On Mondays we drink 
     up a storm. You can have whiskey, rum, tequila, beer, whatever you want 
     and as much a you want. We party all night long. You'll love Mondays. Do 
     you smoke? 
     Guy: Yes, as a matter of fact I do.
     Counselor: You are going to love Tuesdays. Tuesday is smoke day. You get 
     to smoke the finest cigars and best cigarettes available anywhere. And 
     you smoke to your heart's desire without worrying about cancer because 
     you are already dead! Is that great or what? You are going to love 
     Tuesdays. Do you do drugs? 
     Guy: Well in my younger days I experimented a little.
     Counselor: You are going to love Wednesdays. That's drug day. You can 
     experiment with any drug you want and you don't have to worry about 
     overdoses or getting hooked because you are already dead. You are 
     going to love Wednesdays. Do you gamble? 
     Guy: Yes, I love to gamble. 
     Counselor: You are going to love Thursdays because we gamble all day and 
     night -- black jack, craps, poker, slots, horse races, everything! You 
     are going to love Thursdays. Are you gay?
     Guy: Well, no I'm not.
     Counselor: Oh [grimaces], you're gonna hate Fridays...