15 Ways to Confuse Your Roomate.

  1. Every morning, when you get up, say, "Well, time to go to
  class." Sit on your bed and act like you're driving, turning an
  invisible steering wheel and making, "Rrrrrrrrrrr,
  rrrrrrrrrrrr" engine sounds. Then, one day, chug a few beers
  before "driving" to class.  Make the "Rrrrrrrrrrrr" sounds, and
  then say, "Screeeeeeeeeeeech"  and act like you've had a car
  accident.  Fling yourself off the bed and across the room, and
  pretend to be hurt. Spend the day in bed with an icepack on
  your forehead.

  2. Whenever your roomate sneezes, immediately call the Rescue
  Squad and report that your roomate is spreading a highly
  contageous, infectious disease around the building.  If your
  roomate protests, go on a tangent about health codes.

  3. Every night, when you do your homework, put a balloon on the
  chair before you sit down.  When the balloon breaks, act like
  you've been startled.  Scream continuously for two minutes.
  Then, stop suddenly, and start on your homework, as if nothing

  4.  Wear earmuffs, all the time.  Act like you can never
  understand what your roomate is saying  Pick up the phone at
  random,  say "Hello?",  and act confused, as if you don't
  understand why nobody's there.  Answer the door at random, as
  if somebody had knocked, and look around the hallway as if
  somebody's supposed to be there.   After about a week, stop
  wearing the earmuffs, and advise your roomate to never buy a
  hearing aid at a garage sale.

  5.  When you return from a class, instead of opening the door,
  break it down with a big piece of lumber.  Tell your roomate
  you forgot your key.

  6. Every night, when your roomate comes home, wait on the other
  side of the door.  When your roomate opens the door, act like
  he/she hit you in the head,  and that you've been knocked
  unconcious.  Spend the night sleeping on the floor.   After
  about a week, go to bed as you normally would.  Complain loudly
  that you can't sleep.

  7.  Get lots of tomatoes.  Sit with them in a corner of the
  room and have secret meetings.  Inform your roommate that you
  have been nominated for president of the tomatoes.  Put up
  campaign posters around the room.  Select one tomato to be your
  campaign manager. Make speeches in front of the tomatoes.
  Then, one day, when your roomate comes back, give him/her a jar
  of tomato sauce, go on a tirade about fixed elections, and tell
  him/her that you really didn't want to be president of the
  tomatoes anyway.

  8.  Get a hamster.  Keep it in a cage, with a little exercise
  wheel. Whenever the hamster runs in the wheel, stand next to
  the cage and jog in place.   Tell your roommate that the
  hamster is your "personal trainer."  Someplace outside the
  room, let your roomate catch you eating a candy bar.  Beg
  him/her not to tell the hamster about it.

  9.  After you take a shower, instead of drying yourself with a
  towel, stand in the middle of the room and spin around 100
  times. Spend an hour in bed, complaining that you feel dizzy
  and sick.

  10. Chew gum often.  When you're finished chewing it, store it
  in a drawer until you've amassed a huge wad of  used gum.  If
  your roomate inquires, go on a tangent about recycling.  When
  the gum wad gets big enough, sit it in front fo the TV and let
  it watch cartoons.  Complain to your roomate that the gum wad
  never watches anything educational.

  11.  Stick your head out the door and announce whatever your
  roomate is doing to the rest of the building. "He/She's getting
  out a book!", "He/She's taking out his/her glasses!'  Go around
  the building and take requests for what people would like your
  roomate to do, report the results to your roomate.

  12.  Bring your roomate gifts, but act angry and upset when you
  give them to him/her.  If your roomate inquires, yell at
  him/her and shout, "It is better to give than to recieve, you
  stupid moron!"

  13. Get a duck.  While your roomate is out, put on some dance
  music, and wait for your roommate to come back.  When he/she
  does, let him/her catch you dancing with the duck.  Act
  suprised, turn off the music, and immediately go to bed.  Get
  rid of the duck, and refuse to ever acknowledge that the
  incident occurred.

  14.  Turn out all the lights, and wait for your roommate to
  come home. When he/she does, whack him/her in the head with a
  golf club. Apologize, and explain that you thought he/she was a

  15.  Whenever your roomate wears something red, act like a bull
  and charge him/her with your head, knocking him/her  down if
  possible. Suggest that your roommate sign up for matador