If OS's Were Beers
What beer are you drinking?

DOS Beer - requires you to use your own can opener, and
requires you to read the directions carefully before opening
the can. Originally only came in an 8-oz. can, but now comes
in a 16-oz. can. However, the can is divided into 8
compartments of 2 oz. each, which have to be accessed
separately. Soon to be discontinued, although a lot of
people are going to keep drinking it after it's no longer

Mac Beer - Comes in a 32-oz. can. Considered by many to be a
"light" beer. All the cans look identical. When you take one
from the fridge, it opens itself. The ingredients list is
not on the can. If you call to ask about the ingredients,
you are told that "you don't need to know." A notice on the
side reminds you to drag your empties to the trashcan.

Windows 3.1 Beer - The world's most popular. Comes in a
16-oz. can that looks a lot like Mac Beer's. Requires that
you already own a DOS Beer. Claims that it allows you to
drink several DOS Beers simultaneously, but in reality you
can only drink a few of them, very slowly, especially slowly
if you are drinking the Windows Beer at the same time.
Sometimes, for apparently no reason, a can of Windows Beer
will explode when you open it.

OS/2 Beer - Comes in a 32-oz can. Does allow you to drink
several DOS Beers simultaneously. Allows you to drink
Windows 3.1 Beer simultaneously too, but somewhat slower.
Advertises that its cans won't explode when you open them,
even if you shake them up. You never really see anyone
drinking OS/2 Beer, but the manufacturer (International Beer
Manufacturing) claims that 9 million six-packs have been

Windows 95 Beer - You can't buy it yet, but a lot of people
have taste-tested it and claim it's wonderful. The can looks
a lot like Mac Beer's can, but tastes more like Windows 3.1
Beer. It comes in 32-oz. cans, but when you look inside, the
cans only have 16 oz. of beer in them. Most people will
probably keep drinking Windows 3.1 Beer until their friends
try Windows 95 Beer and say they like it. The ingredients
list, when you look at the small print, has some of the same
ingredients that come in DOS beer, even though the
manufacturer claims that this is an entirely new brew.

Windows NT Beer - Comes in 32-oz. cans, but you can only buy
it by the truckload. This causes most people to have to go
out and buy bigger refrigerators. The can looks just like
Windows 3.1 Beer's, but the company promises to change the
can to look just like Windows 95 Beer's - after Windows 95
beer starts shipping. Touted as an "industrial strength"
beer, and suggested only for use in bars.

Unix Beer - Comes in several different brands, in cans
ranging from 8 oz. to 64 oz. Drinkers of Unix Beer display
fierce brand loyalty, even though they claim that all the
different brands taste almost identical. Sometimes the
pop-tops break off when you try to open them, so you have to
have your own can opener around for those occasions, in
which case you either need a complete set of instructions,
or a friend who has been drinking Unix Beer for several

AmigaDOS Beer - The company has gone out of business, but
their recipe has been picked up by some weird German
company, so now this beer will be an import. This beer never
really sold very well because the original manufacturer
didn't understand marketing. Like Unix Beer, AmigaDOS Beer
fans are an extremely loyal and loud group. It originally
came in a 16-oz. can, but now comes in 32-oz. cans too. When
this can was originally introduced, it appeared flashy and
colorful, but the design hasn't changed much over the years,
so it appears dated now. Critics of this beer claim that it
is only meant for watching TV anyway.

VMS Beer - Requires minimal user interaction, except for
popping the top and sipping.However cans have been known on
occasion to explode, or contain extremely un-beer-like
contents. Best drunk in high pressure development
environments. When you call the manufacturer for the list of
ingredients, you're told that is proprietary and referred to
an unknown listing in the manuals published by the FDA.
Rumors are that this was once listed in the Physicians' Desk
Reference as a tranquilizer, but no one can claim to have
actually seen it.

The biggest problem is before you can drink any one of them
you have to buy a really expensive bag of chips to go with