Hacker Barbie

LOS ANGELES - Mattel announces their new line of Barbie products, the "Hacker 
Barbie." These new dolls will be
released next month. The aim of these dolls is to revert the stereotype that 
women are numerophobic,
computer-illiterate, and academically challenged.

This new line of Barbie dolls comes equipped with Barbie's very own xterminal 
and UNIX documentation as well
as ORA's "In a Nutshell" series. The Barbie is robed in a dirty button-up shirt 
and a pair of worn-out jeans with
Casio all-purpose watches and thick glasses that can set ants on fire. Pocket 
protectors and HP calculators
optional. The new Barbie has the incredible ability to stare at the screen 
without blinking her eyes and to go
without eating or drinking for 12 hours straight. Her vocabulary mainly consists
of technical terms such as "IP
address," "TCP/IP," "kernel," "NP-complete," and "Alpha AXP's."

"We are very excited about this product," said John Olson, Marketting Executive,
"and we hope that the
Hacker Barbie will offset the damage incurred by the mathophobic Barbie." A year
ago, Mattel released
Barbie dolls that say, "Math is hard," with condescending companion Ken. The 
Hacker Barbie's Ken is an
incompetent consultant who frequently asks Barbie for help.

The leading feminists are equally excited about this new line of Barbie dolls. 
Naomi Wuuf says, "I believe that
these new dolls will finally terminate the notion that women are inherently 
inferior when it comes to
mathematics and the sciences. However, I feel that Ken's hierarchical 
superiority would simply reinforce the
patriarchy and oppress the masses." Mattel made no comment.

Parents, however, are worried that they would become technologically behind by 
comparison to the children
when the Hacker Barbie comes out. "My daughter Jenny played with the prototype 
Hacker Barbie over yonder
for two days," says Mrs. Mary Carlson of Oxford, Mississippi, "and as y'all 
know, she now pays my credit card bill.
Ain't got no idea how she duz it, but she surely duz it. I jus don't wanna be 
looked upon as a dumb mama."
Mattel will be offering free training courses for those who purchase the Hacker 

The future Hacker Barbie will include several variations to deal with the 
complex aspects of Barbie. "Hacker
Barbie Goes to Jail" will teach computer ethics to youngsters, while "BARB1E 
R1TES L1KE BIFF!!!" will serve as an
introduction to expository writing.