Glossary of Computer Terms

    640K barrier: the finish line in a mega-marathon
    access time: foreplay
    analog: what Ana tosses into the fire
    assembly language: put tab A into slot B, then put tab C...
    audit trail: what the IRS does
    bandwidth: limited by the size of the stage
    battery backup: going in reverse in a golf cart
    BBS: t-telling t-tall s-stories
    benchmark: what happens when your saw hits the bench
    broadband: an all female rock group
    cache memory: remembering how much you spent
    carrier detect: "I see the mailman!"
    CASE: 24 bottles
    control character: prison guard
    conventional memory: remembering what you did at COMDEX
    copy protection: wearing a rubber
    copyright vs. copy wrong
    cursor a garbage mouth
    daisy chain: a dog's leash
    DAT: the opposite of DIS
    deadly embrace: making love to King Kong
    delimiter: someone who says, "Stop, that's enough"
    density: how to measure IQs of blondes
    dhrystones: the stones that were tossed out of the water
    DIP switch: how my sister gets a new boy friend
    dot pitch: "Dorothy winds ups, and delivers a knuckle ball"
    EDCDIC: similar to herpes
    EMS: happens just before PMS
    end user: a prisoner's cell mate
    escape sequence: Distract guard. Dig tunnel. Cut throw fence...
    Ethernet: used to catch Ether
    fixed disk: a broken disk that comes back from the shop
    flash EPROM: what they have on 90210 (Flashy Proms)
    flat bed scanner: a hooker looking for loose change
    flat file: a file with all the air out of it
    full duplex: a 2-family house with 16 occupants
    groupware: clothes swapping
    hacker: a heavy smoker
    half-height drive: a midget's sexual capacity
    hand scanner: singles bar prowler looking for wedding rings
    heap: what I drive
    high density diskette: a very stupid floppy
    home computer: what you tell your computer when it follows you
    hypertext: text on amphetamines
    ink jet: a plan used for sky writing
    integrated circuit: a circuit with black & white components
    joystick: (requires little explanation)
    local bus: stops at every intersection
    lost chains: euphoria experienced by the recently divorced
    low-level language: for basement programmers
    high-level language: for penthouse programmers
    machine dependency: an affliction of machine users
    mag tape: tape used on the wheels of cars
    mainframe: akin to "main squeeze"
    main memory: remembering where the water line is
    math coprocessor: the person you cheated from in math class
    megaflop: the worst play you ever saw
    minicomputer: the peer to Mickey's computer
    modem: what the gardener did to the lawns
    multi-sync: can be sunk more than once
    native mode: head hunting
    on-line: where the birds sit
    overlay: chickens making too many eggs
    pentium: the thing that swings back-and-forth on a clock
    plotter: a deceitful person
    postscript: graffiti on a pole
    protected memory: remembering to wear a condom
    record locking: what you do to your Beetle White Album
    right justified: vs. wrongly justified
    software piracy: stealing a ship's program
    spreadsheet: a hooker's foreplay
    streaming tape: party decorations
    subroutine: not quite routine
    surge protector: a condom
    token ring: a group of people passing the bong
    trackball: what sprinters and runners often get
    twisted pair: tubes tied
    word wrap: black music
    worksheet: a prostitutes office
    Ymodem: because, modem