Dictionary of Computer Terms ANTIC: What the Bugs in your program are up to. BACKUP: Opposite of forward. BASIC: A computer language used for generating errors. BBS: Not a 'Class A' B.S. BCD: Three of the first four letters in the alphabet. BOARD: State of mind of the programmers spouse. BOOLEAN LOGIC: Your spouse's term for your reasoning. BRANCH: Stick used for beating CPU's. If the stick is watered it might turn into a computer club. BUBBLE MEMORY: Your spouse's nickname for you. BUBBLE SORT: Your spouse's term for your friends. BUG: Intercom system used in the Watergate complex. BUS: Mode of transportation for programmers. BYTE: A large NIBBLE. C: The language of washed-up programmers. CHIP: 1. One California Highway Patrolman 2. Used in computers, they come in four flavors: silicon, potato, chocolate and buffalo. CLOAD: Command to lock up keyboard. COMPUTER MAGAZINE: A place where your computer stores ammunition. CONCATENATION: A convention of all the nation's kitty cats. CPU: CP-3O's mother. CRASH: Normal termination of a program. CRT: (see RT). CSAVE: A command to write blank tapes. DEBUG: Raid sprayed on the keyboard. DEDICATED: A programmer trying to decode a string packed program. DIGITAL: Something done with fingers, as in checking computer mathematics. DIP: Inventor of a famous switch. DISK DRIVE: A motor for a Frisbee. DISK PACK: Six cans of fluid, used by disk drive technicians to improve their thinking. DMA: Abbreviation for "Direct Memory Access"; "brain surgery". DOWNTIME: Slang for when a programmer is being realistic. DUMP: Spouse's term for area around the computer. EBCDIC: Security code for IBM computers. Means "Erase Backup, Chew Disk, Ignite Cards". For a variety of obvious reasons, only IBM computers use EBCDIC code. EDITOR: A program which deletes obscene commands. ENDLESS LOOP: (see LOOP, ENDLESS). EPROM: Acronym for "Exit Program, Read Owners Manual". ERROR: A programmer's decision to skip making a flow chart and to exclude comments from his program. ERROR TRAP: A black hole placed in a computer to capture bugs. EXECUTION: What your computer did to your program, also known as murder. EXPANSION: Computer slang for "vital parts missing". A computer with "expansion capability" is capable of working only when the extra parts are purchased. FIFO: Good name for a French Poodle. FIG-FORTH: A quartered Fig. FILE: Found in cakes, it is used to end lockups. FIRMWARE: Hardware that is beginning to melt. FLIP FLOP CIRCUIT: Device used by politicians to determine policy. FLOPPY DISK: Back pain that you claim is from an old war injury. FLOWCHART: Current map of the Gulf of Mexico. FLYING HEAD: Airline toilet. FORTH: One of the top three computer languages. GENERAL PURPOSE COMPUTER: A computer not terribly good at anything in particular. GIGO: "Garbage In-Garbage Out". Normal result of most computer programming. GLITCH: A bug with ambitions. HANDSHAKING: Symptom of too much programming. Most commonly seen among programmers who have just had their program erased by power fluctuations before they could save their program. HARD COPY: Cheating during a well monitored test. HEXADECIMAL: Unlucky numbers used by computers. HIGH RESOLUTION: A law passed in Denver. HOME COMPUTER: Real estate agent's loan calculator. IBM: Incredibly Big Machine. INTERFACE: The look on the face of the computer salesperson as you walk away with a machine you'll never know how to use. ITERATE: A health illiterate. KEYBOARD: The most important part of a computer. Resembling a typewriter, the keyboard is used for entering errors into a computer. KEYPUNCH: The one who won the fight. KEYWORDS: All the words left out of your computer. LANGUAGE: A system of organized and defining syntax errors. LIFO: What a programmer loses when he blows his STACK. LOOKUP TABLE: Crib sheet for computers. LOOP, ENDLESS: (see ENDLESS LOOP) MAINFRAME: What the salesman said you were getting when you bought your micro (see SIMULATOR). MATH CHIP: Piece of broken abacus. MINICOMPUTER: Wife of Ottocomputer. MODEM: The new version of 'MODEL'. MUX: Short for multiplexer, a device which plexes multis. A device which plexes cats is a perplexer. NIBBLE: A small BYTE. NORMALIZE: What a spouse claims to be trying to do by cutting the power to the computer. PASSWORD: The nonsense word taped to the CRT. PERIPHERAL: Your spouse after you bought your computer. PINFEED: The diet your spouse threatens you with every time you mention a new program or computer you want. POINTER: An informer. POKEY: A finger affliction of people that 'Hunt and Peck'. PORT: The left side of the computer. PRIME NUMBER: Tender, juicy numbers used only in the most expensive computers. PROGRAMMER: A person who thinks he knows how to talk to a computer. A person who really knows how to talk to a computer is known as a fruitcake. PROTECTED DATA: (definition withheld). REAL NUMBERS: What you wish your computer would use instead of all this phony binary/hex stuff. RECURSION: (see RECURSION) REDUNDANCY: KKeeyybboouunnccee.. REGISTER: Never found in a Radio Shack store. RESET: Another way to end a four hour sort. RIBBON: What your spouse gives you every time your friends ask about your computer. RND: Short for "Random Number Generator", a computer command used for calculating checkbook balances, income tax, rent, phone bills.... ROM: Built on seven hills, all roads lead to it. RS232: R2-D2's father. RT: Remote Terminal: What the programmer considers his spouse. SERIAL: Wheaties, Cheerio's, etc. SIMULATOR: What you actually purchased when you bought your computer (see MAINFRAME). STACK: The area of a computers memory used to collect garbage bytes. STAND ALONE: What happens to a programmer when he starts talking about computers at a party. STATE OF THE ART: Undefined. SUBROUTINE: Close hatches before diving. SUBSCRIPT: Generally inferior to SUPERSCRIPT. SUPERSCRIPT: Generally superior to SUBSCRIPT. TERMINAL: Mental state of programmers. USER: Someone requiring drug rehabilitation. VOLATILE STORAGE: A disk drive filled with nitroglycerine. WORK STATION: The last place you'd find a programmer. WRITE: Opposite of wrong.