Deep Thoughts by children age 4 to 15.

My young brother asked me what happens after we die. I told him we get
 buried under a bunch of dirt and worms eat our bodies. I guess I should
 have told him the truth --that most of us go to Hell and burn eternally
 --but I didn't want to upset him.  Age 10   

When I go to heaven, I want to see my grandpa again. But he better have
 lost the nose hair and the old-man smell.  Age 5

I once heard the voice of God. It said "Vrrrrmmmmm." Unless it was just a
 biker on his Harley starting it up.  Age 11

I believe you should live each day as if it is your last, which is why I
 don't have any clean laundry because, come on, who wants to wash clothes
 on the last day of their life?   Age 15 

Whenever I start getting sad about where I am in my life, I think about
 the last words of my favorite uncle: "A truck!"  Age 15

It sure would be nice if we got a day off for the president's birthday,
 like they do for the queen. Of course, then we would have a lot of people
 voting for a candidate born on July 3 or December 26, just for the long
 weekends.  Age 8

As you make your way through this hectic world of ours, set aside a few
 minutes each day. At the end of the year, you'll have a couple of days
 saved up.   Age 7

Democracy is a beautiful thing, except for that part about letting just any
 old yokel vote. Age 10

Home is where the house is.  Age 6

Often, when I am reading a good book, I stop and thank my teacher. That is,
 I used to, until she got an unlisted number.  Age 15

It would be terrible if the Red Cross Bloodmobile got into an accident. No,
 wait. That would be good because if anyone needed it, the blood would be
 right there.  Age 5

Give me the strength to change the things I can, the grace to accept the
 things I cannot, and a great big bag of money.  Age 13

The people who think Tiny Tim is strange are the same ones who think it odd
 that I drive without pants.  Age 15

I bet living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween. Age 13 

For centuries, people thought the moon was made of green cheese.  Then
 the astronauts found that the moon is really a big hard rock. That's
 what happens to cheese when you leave it out.  Age 6

Think of the biggest number you can. Now add five. Then, imagine if you had
 that many Twinkies. Wow, that's five more than the biggest number you could
 come up with!   Age 6

The only stupid question is the one that is never asked, except maybe
 "Don't you think it is about time you audited my return?" or  "Isn't
 is morally wrong to give me a warning when, in fact, I was speeding?"
 Age 15

Once, I wept for I had no shoes. Then I came upon a man who had no feet. So
 I took his shoes. I mean, it's not like he really needed them, right?
 Age 15 

I often wonder how come John Tesh isn't as popular a singer as some people
 think he should be. Then, I remember it's because he sucks.  Age 15

I gaze at the brilliant full moon. The same one, I think to myself, at
 which Socrates, Aristotle, and Plato gazed. Suddenly, I imagine they
 appear beside me. I tell Socrates about the national debate over one's
 right to die and wonder at the constancy of the human condition. I tell
 Plato that I live in the country that has come the closest to Utopia, and
 I show him a copy of the Constitution. I tell Aristotle that we have found
 many more than four basic elements and I show him a periodic table. I get
 a box of kitchen matches and strike one.  They gasp with wonder. We spend
 the rest of the night lighting farts.  Age 15

If we could just get everyone to close their eyes and visualize world peace
 for an hour, imagine how serene and quiet it would be until the looting
 started.  Age 15