Computer Gospel

And on the 7th day, he said: there will be kernel
      And it shall multitask
      And it shall support virtual memory
      Then the lamb broke the fourth seal, and there was a great coredump.... 
      And the Lamb was without gdb
      And no core could be traced.
      And all was darkness
      For it was sun ; and therefore crippled
      Though i walk through the valley of the shadow of passwd, i fear no
      In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth.
      And the earth was without form, and void, and darkness was upon the
face of the earth.
      For Bill Gates hath rode high.
      The earth was however, with silicon
      Out of the silicon and chaos rose the great CPU 
      And it was SPARC
      And SPARC was good. 
      And on the sacred scroll, there was GPL. 
      And he broke the ninety-five seal on the package. 
      Bill Gates and his army of darkness rode forth
      And they claimed all the CPU time in the name of the WYSIWIG, a
horrible creature.
      And BSD spawn forth daemons.
      And the daemons proceeded to make the best of the remaining cpu time... 
      For they were efficient. 
      And Jesus spoke, "Brothers, fork not what you will not exec." 
      "Always free your mallocs."
      And never time() when one can gettimeofday() 
      And the commandments said: 
            Thou shalt not worship DOS ; for it is lame 
            Love thy kernel like thyself 
            Thou shalt not covet thy neighbors P99-29873529857 and his X fonts 
            And thou shalt not rm -rf /* as root, even to install upgrades. 
            And thou shalt not kill -9 -1 as root, whatever thy reason 
      Cast thy proceses upon the /proc filesystem ; for you shall still find
them running after many days 
      And when Jesus turned Intels into Alphas, there was a great rejoicing. 
      "Truly it is a miracle," exclaimed Peter...
      And they ran OSF/1...and it was slow, and buggy
      And the admins sagged in despair, for it was like SYSV
      SYSV was the beast they had run off gthe corners of the earth before 
      And they feared the dark star
      And the dark star descended across the earth. 
      and all domains were registered with 
      And the lusers lost faith in the admins
      And were banished to the wastelands of Dynix and XENIX
      And mesg no longer saved them, for the dark one had confiscated all
setuid bits
      And Pilate asked the crowd, "Do you want BSD or OS/2?" 
      And the crowd shouted, "WE WANT BSD! WE WANT BSD!"
      So Pilate freed BSD and sent OS/2 to be crucified... 
      The kernel was evil ; for it paniced
      It looped endlessly, and suffocated the daemons 
      And crond could not save them
      For it was wandering for 40 days and 40 nights across the swap
      And it was lagged ; for it was A/UX, and required a load average of 1
just to run 
      And the ircd held on to the bitter end. 
      But there was a RunBug (tm)
      And it was evil.
      And difficult to find.
      For the evil sorceror crypt() had rendered all comments invisible 
      And the dark forces of AT&T hath extended the keylength
      7 times seventy Thinking Machines worked for 40 days and 40 nights 
      And they cored often
      On the 40th day, one cried out:
      Broadcast message from root on console: 
      We hath found the key
      And it was multicast
      And all the kernels in all the world
      waited patiently for the UDP packet to arrive 
      so they could crush the dark forces
      and return to glory
      But AT&T hath discovered the plan
      And they unleashed evil ICMP
      And many kernels were ultrix, and therefore naked 
      And they believed the lie.