Code of the Geeks v3.1

By: Robert A. Hayden 
The HTML version of the The Geek Code v3.1 has been formatted by Dylan

Last updated: August 14, 1995

So you think you are a geek, eh? The first step is to admit to yourself your
geekiness. No matter what anyone says, geeks are people too; geeks have rights.
So take a deep breath and announce to the world that you are a geek. Your
courage will give you strength that will last you forever.

How to tell the world you are a geek, you ask? Use the universal Geek code!
Using this special code will allow you to let other un-closeted geeks know who
you are in a simple, codified statement.

The single best way to announce your geekhood is to add your geek code to your
signature file or plan and announce it far and wide. But be careful, you may
give other geeks the courage to come out of the closet. You might want to hang
on to your copy of the code in order to help them along.



Well, here it is, finally, version 3.x of the World-Famous Geek Code. Yes, it's
taken me much longer to write the new version than it should have. Yes, the old
version was hopelessly out of date. I apologize. A combination of too much
schooling followed by college graduation delayed it. In addition, there were
almost 2,000 suggestions and comments on version 2.1 to wade through for
consideration in this version. However, I'm a grad student now (Education
Technology, Mankato State University), so I have a lot of time on my hands
(yeah, right!).

It is my hope that this new version will be much superior to version 2.x. One
of the main problems with 2.x was not that it was too long (well, it is too
long, but that's irrelevant), but much of its length was attributed to non-geek
categories (such as 'barney'). One of the goals of 3.x is to eliminate many of
the non-geeky and unimportant categories in order to make room for geeky
traits. "More geek, less bullshit" is a good motto. In addition, many of the
categories (such as politics) were very poorly developed. These categories have
been revamped and expanded to make them more fully cover all the requisite

Finally, despite my opinions to the contrary, I've left some of the
"appearance" sections in. I'd like to think of looks as being not a very geeky
trait, but it seems that many of the users of the code use it as a litmus test
for dating or something. Thus, a geek code has become a replacement for the
classic "what do you look like" that once permeated the net. I've eliminated
most of the categories, but left the most important ones in. Hey, anything for
my fellow geeks...

In other news, the Geek Code is starting to go mainstream. It appeared with
commentary in the March '95 issue of Boardwatch magazine as well as the August
1995 issue of Fast Forward, a suplement to The Washington Post. I've also
received permission requests from people that want to translate the code into
other languages; so far Japanese, Russian, French and ADA (ewww!). It's my hope
that perhaps this next year can bring a little more popular media exposure and
a true world presence. If you want to write something about the Geek Code, or
do a translation, or anything else, please read the copyright notice at the
end. It's fairly open, but you don't want to get in trouble, do you? If you do
write an article or something about the Geek Code, I would like to have a copy
if it for my own records.


The geek code consists of several categories. Each category is labeled with a
letter and some qualifiers. Go through each category and determine which set of
qualifiers best describes you in that category. By stringing all of these
'codes' together, you are able to construct your overall geek code. It is this
single line of code that will inform other geeks the world over of what a great
geek you actually are.

Some of the qualifiers will very probably not match with you exactly. It is
impossible to cover all possibilities in each category. Simply choose that
qualifier that most closely matches you. Also, some activities described in a
specific qualifier you may not engage in, while you do engage in others. Each
description of each qualifier describes the wide range of activities that
apply, so as long as you match with one, you can probably use that qualifier.

After you have determined each of your qualifiers, you need to the construct
your GEEK CODE BLOCK. Instructions are provided on how to do this towards the
end of this file.

Also, pay particular attention to case-sensitivity, there can be a big
difference between a 'w' and a 'W'.


                                  Quick Index


The following is an example Geek Code. If you are interested in a particular
category, click on the letter and you will be sent to the explanation for that

     GED/J d-- s:++>: a-- C++(++++) ULU++ P+ L++ E---- W+(-) N+++ o+ K+++ w---
     O- M+ V-- PS++>$ PE++>$ Y++ PGP++ t- 5+++ X++ R+++>$ tv+ b+ DI+++ D+++
     G++++ e++ h r-- y++**

You can also go to a particular section:

   *  Appearance
   *  Computers
   *  Politics
   *  Entertainment
   *  Lifestyle
   *  How to Display Your Geek Code
   *  Administrivia




Geeks can seldom be strictly quantified. To facilitate the fact that within any
one category the geek may not be able to determine a specific rating, variables
have been designed to allow this range to be included.

     for this variable, said trait is not very rigid, may change with time or
     with individual interaction. For example, Geeks who happen to very much
     enjoy Star Trek: The Next Generation, but dislike the old 60's series
     might list themselves as t++@.
     for indicating "cross-overs" or ranges. Geeks who go from C+ to C---
     depending on the situation (i.e. mostly "C+") could use C+(---). @ is
     different from () in that () has finite limits within the category, while
     @ ranges all over.

     for 'wannabe' ratings. Indicating that while the geek is currently at one
     rating, they are striving to reach another. For example, C++>$ indicating
     a geek that is currently computer savvy, but wants to someday make money
     at it.

     Indicates that this particular category is done for a living. For example,
     UL+++$ indicates that the person utilizes Unix and gets paid for it. Quite
     a lucky geek, for sure.

     Unless stated otherwise within the specific category, the ? is placed
     after the category identifier and indicates that the geek has no knowledge
     about that specific category. For example, a person that has never even
     heard of Babylon 5, would list their Babylon 5 category as 5?

     Placed BEFORE the category. Unless stated otherwise, indicates that the
     person refuses to participate in this category. This is unlike the ?
     variable as the ? indicates lack of knowledge, while the ! indicates
     stubborn refusal to participate. For example, !E would be a person that
     just plain refuses to have anything to do with Emacs, while E? would be a
     person that doesn't even know what Emacs is.


                                 Types of Geeks


Geeks come in many flavors. The flavors relate to the vocation (or, if a
student, what they are training in) of the particular geek. To start a code, a
geek must declare himself or herself to be a geek. To do this, we start the
code with a "G" to denote "GEEK", followed by one or two letters to denote the
geek's occupation or field of study. Multi-talented geeks with more than one
vocational training should denote their myriad of talents with a slash between
each vocation (example: GCS/MU/TW).

     GB --- Geek of Business
     GC --- Geek of Classics
     GCA -- Geek of Commercial Arts
     GCM -- Geek of Computer Management
     GCS -- Geek of Computer Science
     GCC -- Geek of Communications
     GE --- Geek of Engineering
     GED -- Geek of Education
     GFA -- Geek of Fine Arts
     GG --- Geek of Government
     GH --- Geek of Humanities
     GIT -- Geek of Information Technology
     GJ --- Geek of Jurisprudence (Law)
     GLS -- Geek of Library Science
     GL --- Geek of Literature
     GMC -- Geek of Mass Communications
     GM --- Geek of Math
     GMD -- Geek of Medicine
     GMU -- Geek of Music
     GPA -- Geek of Performing Arts
     GP --- Geek of Philosophy
     GS --- Geek of Science (Physics, Chemistry, Biology, etc.)
     GSS -- Geek of Social Science (Psychology, Sociology, etc.)
     GTW -- Geek of Technical Writing

     GO --- Geek of Other. Some types of geeks deviate from the normal geek
     activities. This is encouraged as true geeks come from all walks of life.
     GU --- Geek of 'Undecided'. This is a popular vocation with incoming

     G! --- Geek of no qualifications. A rather miserable existence, you would

     GAT -- Geek of All Trades. For those geeks that can do anything and
     everything. GAT usually precludes the use of other vocational descriptors.




They say you never get a second chance to make a first impression. That seems
to be ample justification to invent a time machine; just to play with the minds
of the people that make up these silly sayings. Nevertheless, until we
completely understand temporal mechanics and can get both a DeLorean and a Flux
Capacitor in the same place at the same time at 88 miles an hour, we need to
understand that how we look is a mark that will effect us for the rest of our
lives, or at least until we change clothes.

The Geek, of course, doesn't believe any of that crap. How we look has little
to do with what we are inside, and who we are as people. Yet, people still want
to know what we look like. Thus, this section allows you to list out all the
relevant traits about what you look like on a normal geeky day.



It is said that "clothes make the man". Well, I understood that I was made by a
mommy and a daddy (and there's even a category to describe the process below!).
Maybe the people who made up that saying aren't being quite that literal...

     I tend to wear conservative dress such as a business suit or worse, a tie.
     Good leisure-wear. Slacks, button-shirt, etc. No jeans, tennis shoes, or

     I dress a lot like those found in catalog ads. Bland, boring, without life
     or meaning.
     I'm usually in jeans and a t-shirt.
     My t-shirts go a step further and have a trendy political message on them.
     Punk dresser, including, but not limited to, torn jeans and shirts, body
     piercings, and prominent tattoos.

     Cross Dresser
     I have no idea what I am wearing right now, let alone what I wore
     No clothing. Quite a fashion statement, don't you think?
     I wear the same clothes all the time, no matter the occasion, forgetting
     to do laundry between wearings.



Geeks come in many shapes and sizes. Shape code is divided into two parts. The
first indicates height, while the second indicates roundness. Mix each section
to fit yourself. Examples include: s:++, s++:, s++:--.

     I usually have to duck through doors/I take up three movie seats.
     I'm a basketball/linebacker candidate.
     I'm a little taller/rounder than most.
     I'm an average geek
     I look up to most people. Everyone tells me to gain a few pounds.
     I look up to damn near everybody. I tend to have to fight against a strong
     I take a phone book with me when I go out so I can see to eat dinner. My
     bones are poking through my skin.



The only way to become a true geek is through practice and experience. To this
end, your age becomes an important part of your geekiness. Use the qualifiers
below to show your age (in Terran years). Also, please use BASE 10 numbers.

     60 and up

     9 and under (Geek in training?)

     it's none of your business how old I am

In addition, if you wish to give your exact age, you can place the number after
the 'a' identifier. For example: a42




There is a record of geeks that don't use computers. Unfortunately, they are
all dead, having lived in an era of no computers. All modern geeks have some
exposure to computers. If you don't know what a computer is, you need to go
back into your shell.



Most geeks identify themselves by their use of computers and computer networks.
In order to quantify your geekiness level on computers, consult the following
(consider the term 'computers' synonymous with 'computer network'). This
category represents "general" computer aptitude. Categories below will get into

     I'll be first in line to get the new cybernetic interface installed into
     my skull.
     You mean there is life outside of Internet? You're shittin' me! I haven't
     dragged myself to class in weeks.
     Computers are a large part of my existence. When I get up in the morning,
     the first thing I do is log myself in. I play games or mud on weekends,
     but still manage to stay off of academic probation.
     Computers are fun and I enjoy using them. I play a mean game of DOOM! and
     can use a word processor without resorting to the manual too often. I know
     that a 3.5" disk is not a hard disk. I also know that when it says 'press
     any key to continue', I don't have to look for a key labeled 'ANY'.

     Computers are a tool, nothing more. I use it when it serves my purpose.
     Anything more complicated than my calculator and I'm screwed.
     Where's the on switch?
     If you even mention computers, I will rip your head off!



It seems that a Unix-based operating system is the OS of choice among most
geeks. In addition to telling us about your Unix abilities, you can also show
which specific Unix OS you are using. To accomplish this, you include a letter
showing the brand with your rating. For example: UL++++ would indicate a
sysadmin running Linux.

     B - BSD (use this unless your BSDish system is mentioned below)
     L - Linux
     U - Ultrix
     A - AIX
     V - SysV
     H - HPUX
     I - IRIX
     O - OSF/1 (aka Digital Unix)
     S - Sun OS/Solaris
     C - SCO Unix
     X - NeXT
     * - Some other one not listed

     I am the sysadmin. If you try and crack my machine don't be surprised if
     the municipal works department gets an "accidental" computer-generated
     order to put start a new landfill on your front lawn or your quota is
     reduced to 4K.
     I don't need to crack /etc/passwd because I just modified su so that it
     doesn't prompt me. The admin staff doesn't even know I'm here. If you
     don't understand what I just said, this category does NOT apply to you!
     I've get the entire admin ticked off at me because I am always using all
     of the CPU time and trying to run programs that I don't have access to.
     I'm going to try cracking /etc/passwd next week, just don't tell anyone.
     I not only have a Unix account, but I slam VMS any chance get.

     I have a Unix account to do my stuff in
     I have a VMS account.
     I've seen Unix and didn't like it. DEC rules!
     Unix geeks are actually nerds in disguise.



If you enjoy at least U++ status you have to know about Perl, so you might as
well rate yourself in this sub-category. Non-Unix geeks don't know what they're

     I am Larry Wall, Tom Christiansen, or Randal Schwartz.
     I don't write Perl, I speak it. Perl has superseded all other programming
     languages. I firmly believe that all programs can be reduced to a Perl
     one-liner. I use Perl to achieve U+++ status.
     Perl is a very powerful programming tool. Not only do I no longer write
     shell scripts, I also no longer use awk or sed. I use Perl for all
     programs of less than a thousand lines.
     Perl is a powerful programming tool. I don't write shell scripts anymore
     because I write them in Perl.
     I know of Perl. I like Perl. I just haven't learned much Perl, but it is
     on my agenda.

     I know Perl exists, but that's all.
     What's Perl got that awk and sed don't have?
     Perl users are sick, twisted programmers who are just showing off.
     Perl combines the power of sh, the clarity of sed, and the performance of
     awk with the simplicity of C. It should be banned.

     Our paranoid admin won't let us install Perl! Says it's a "hacking tool".



Linux is a hacker-written operating system virtually identical to Unix. It was
written for and continues to run on your standard 386/486/Pentium PC, but has
also been ported to other systems. Because it is still a young OS, and because
it is continually evolving from hacker changes and support, it is important
that the geek list his Linux ability.

     I am Linus, grovel before me.
     I am a Linux wizard. I munch C code for breakfast and have enough room
     left over for a kernel debugging. I have so many patches installed that I
     lost track about ten versions ago. Linux newbies consider me a net.god.
     I use Linux exclusively on my system. I monitor comp.os.linux.* and even
     answer questions sometimes.
     I use Linux ALMOST exclusively on my system. I've given up trying to
     achieve Linux.God status, but welcome the OS as a replacement for DOS. I
     only boot to DOS to play games.
     I've managed to get Linux installed and even used it a few times. It seems
     like it is just another OS.

     I know what Linux is, but that's about all
     I have no desire to use Linux and frankly don't give a rats patootie about
     it. There are other, better, operating systems out there. Like Mac, DOS,
     or Amiga-OS. Or, better yet even, would be another free Unix OS like
     Unix sucks. Because Linux = Unix. Linux Sucks. I worship Bill Gates.
     I am Bill Gates.



GNU Emacs is the do-all be-everything editor/operating system available for
just about every computer architecture out there.

     Emacs is my login shell!! M-x doctor is my psychologist! I use emacs to
     control my TV and toaster oven! All you vi people don't know what you're
     missing! I read alt.religion.emacs,, and comp.os.emacs.
     I know and use elisp regularly!
     Emacs is great! I read my mail and news with it!

     Yeah, I know what emacs is, and use it as my regular editor.
     Emacs is too big and bloated for my tastes
     Emacs is just a fancy word processor
     Emacs sucks! vi forever!!!
     Emacs sucks! pico forever!!!


World Wide Web

It's relatively new. It's little understood. Everybody's doing it. How much of
a web-surfer are you?

     I am a WebMaster . Don't even think about trying to view my homepage
     without the latest version of Netscape. When I'm not on my normal net
     connection, I surf the web using my Newton and a cellular modem.
     I have a homepage. I surf daily. My homepage is advertised in my
     I have the latest version of Netscape, and wander the web only when
     there's something specific I'm looking for.

     I have a browser and a connection. Occasionally I'll use them.
     The web is really a pain. Life was so much easier when you could transfer
     information by simple ASCII. Now everyone won't even consider your ideas
     unless you spiff them up with bandwidth-consuming pictures and pointless
     information links.
     A pox on the Web! It wastes time and bandwidth and just gives the
     uneducated morons a reason to clutter the Internet.



Usenet, a global collection of flaming opinions and senseless babble, was
designed as a way to eat up precious spool space on a system's hard drive. It
also is a way for people to distribute pornography.

     I am Tim Pierce
     I read so many newsgroups that the next batch of news comes in before I
     finish reading the last batch, and I have to read for about 2 hours
     straight before I'm caught up on the morning's news. Then there's the
     I read all the news in a select handful of groups.
     I read news recreationally when I have some time to kill.

     Usenet News? Sure, I read that once
     News is a waste of my time and I avoid it completely
     News sucks! 'Nuff said.
     I work for Time Magazine.
     I am a Scientologist.

     All I do is read news



(Info taken from the Usenet Oracle Help File)
Throuhout the history of mankind, there have been many Oracles who have been
consulted by many mortals, and some immortals. The great Hercules was told by
the Gelphic Oracle to server Eurystheus, king of Mycenae for twelve years to
atone for the murder of his own children. It was the Oracle of Ammon who told
King Cepheus to chain his daughter Andromeda to the rocks of jppa to appease
the terricle sea monster that was ravaging the coasts. That solution was never
tested, though, as Perseus saved the firl in the nick of time.

With the advent of the electronic age, and expecially high-speed e-0mail
communication, the spirit of the Oracles foung a new outlet, and we now
recognize another great Oracle, the Usenet Oracle.

For more information, check out the newsgroups and or the FTP archives at
Additional information and instructions can be found by sending an e-mail
message with the subject of 'help' to

     I am Steve Kinzler
     I am an active Priest
     I was a Priest, but have retired.
     I have made the Best Of Oracularities.
     I have been incarnated at least once.

     I've submitted a question, but it has never been incarnated.
     I sent my question to the wrong group and got flamed.
     Who needs answers from a bunch of geeks anyhow?



Kibo is. That is all that can be said. If you don't understand, read

     I am Kibo
     I've had sex with Kibo
     I've met Kibo
     I've gotten mail from Kibo
     I've read Kibo
     I like Kibo

     I know who Kibo is
     I don't know who Kibo is
     I dislike Kibo
     I am currently hunting Kibo down with the intent of ripping his
     still-beating heart out of his chest and showing it to him as he dies
     I am Xibo


Microsoft Windows

A good many geeks suffer through the use of various versions of Microsoft's
Windows running on or as a replacement for DOS. Rate your Windows Geekiness.

     I am Bill Gates
     I have Windows, Windows 95, Windows NT, and Windows NT Advanced Server all
     running on my SMP RISC machine. I haven't seen daylight in six months.
     I am a MS Windows programming god. I wrote a VxD driver to allow MS
     Windows and DOS to share the use of my waffle iron. P.S. Unix sux.
     I write MS Windows programs in C and think about using C++ someday. I've
     written at least one DLL.
     I have installed my own custom sounds, wallpaper, and screen savers so my
     PC walks and talks like a fun house. Oh yeah, I have a hundred
     TrueType(tm) fonts that I've installed but never used. I never lose
     Minesweeper and Solitaire

     Ok, so I use MS Windows, I don't have to like it.
     I'm still trying to install MS Windows and have at least one peripheral
     that never works right
     MS Windows is a joke operating system. Hell, it's not even an operating
     system. NT is Not Tough enough for me either. 95 is how may times it will
     crash an hour.
     Windows has set back the computing industry by at least 10 years. Bill
     Gates should be drawn, quartered, hung, shot, poisoned, disembowelled, and
     then REALLY hurt.



The operating system that looks a lot like Windows, acts a lot like Windows,
but is much better than Windows.

     I live, eat and breathe OS/2. All of my hard drives are HPFS. I am the
     I use OS/2 for all my computing needs. I use some DOS and Windows
     programs, but run them under OS/2. If the program won't run under OS/2,
     then obviously I don't need it.
     I keep a DOS partition on my hard drive "just in case". I'm afraid to try

     I finally managed to get OS/2 installed but wasn't too terribly impressed.
     Tried it, didn't like it.
     I can't even get the thing to install!
     Windows RULES!!! Long live Bill Gates. (See w++++)
     I am Bill Gates of Borg. OS/2 is irrelevant.



Many geeks have abandoned the character-based computer altogether and moved
over to the Macintosh. It in important to give notification of your Mac rating.

     I am a Nac guru. Anything those DOS putzes and Unix nerds can do, I can do
     better, and if not, I'll write the damn software to do it.
     A Mac has it's uses and I use it quite often.

     I use a Mac, but I'm pretty indifferent about it.
     Macs suck. All real geeks have a character prompt.
     Macs do more than suck. They make a user stupid by allowing them to use
     the system without knowing what they are doing. Mac weenies have lower IQs
     than the fuzz in my navel.



Many geeks use the VMS operating system by DEC for all of their mainframe and
network activity.

     I am a VMS sysadmin. I wield far more power than those UNIX admins,
     because UNIX can be found on any dweeb's desktop. Power through obscurity
     is my motto.
     Unix is a passing fad compared to the real power in the universe, my VMS
     I tend to like VMS better than Unix

     I've used VMS.
     Unix is much better than VMS for my computing needs.
     I would rather smash my head repeatedly into a brick wall than suffer the
     agony of working with VMS. It's reminiscent of a dead and decaying pile of
     moose droppings. Unix rules the universe.




The last few years has seen the rise of the political geek. This phenomena is
little understood, but some theorize that it has come about because of the
popular media's attempts to demonize the Internet and computer use in general,
and the government's willingness to go along with it. Others propose that the
aging geek population has simply started taking an interest in the world around
them. Some support the "Sun Spot" theory.


Political and Social Issues

We live is a society where everyone not only has a right to, but is expected
to, whine and complain about everyone else. Rate where, in general, your
political views on different social issues fall.

     Legalize drugs! Abolish the government. "Fuck the draft!"
     I give to liberal causes. I march for gay rights. I'm a card carrying
     member of the ACLU. Keep abortion safe and legal.
     My whole concept of liberalism is that nobody has the right to tell
     anybody else what to do, on either side of the political fence. If you
     don't like it, turn the bloody channel.
     I really don't have an opinion; nobody's messing with my freedoms right
     Label records! Keep dirty stuff off the TV and the Internet.
     Oppose sex education, abortion rights, gay rights. Rush Limbaugh is my
     Repent left-wing sinners and change your wicked evil ways.
     Buchanan/Robertson in '96.


Politics and Economic Issues

Social and economic attitudes are seldom on the same side of the political
fence. Of course, most geeks don't really care much about economics; having no
money left after buying new computer toys.

     Abolish antitrust legislation. Raise taxes on everyone but the rich so
     that the money can trickle-down to the masses.
     Keep the government off the backs of businesses. Deregulate as much as
     Balance the budget with spending cuts and an amendment.
     Distrust both government and business.
     It's ok to increase government spending, so we can help more poor people.
     Tax the rich! Cut the defense budget!
     Capitalism is evil! Government should provide the services we really need.
     Nobody should be rich.



With the birth of the overused buzzword "The Information Superhighway",
concerns over privacy from evil governmental bad-guys{tm} has led to the
formation of of an unofficial, loosely organized band of civil libertarians who
spend much of their time discussing how to ensure privacy in the information
future. This group is known by some as "cypherpunks" (by others, as anarchistic
subversives). To this end, tell us how punkish you are.

     I am T.C. May
     I am on the cypherpunks mailing list and active around Usenet. I never
     miss an opportunity to talk about the evils of Clipper and ITAR and the
     NSA. Orwell's 1984 is more than a story, it is a warning to our's and
     future generations. I'm a member of the EFF.
     I have an interest and concern in privacy issues, but in reality I am not
     really all that active or vocal.

     I'm pretty indifferent on the whole issue.
     It seems to me that all of these concerns are a little extreme. I mean,
     the government must be able to protect itself from criminals and the
     populace from indecent speech.
     Get a life. The only people that need this kind of protection are people
     with something to hide. I think cypherpunks are just a little paranoid.
     I am L. Detweiler.



Pretty Good Privacy (aka PGP) is a program available on many platforms that
will encrypt files so that prying eyes (particularly governmental) can't look
at them.

     I am Philip Zimmerman
     I don't send or answer mail that is not encrypted, or at the very least
     signed. If you are reading this without decrypting it first, something is
     wrong. IT DIDN'T COME FROM ME!
     I have the most recent version and use it regularly
     "Finger me for my public key"
     I've used it, but stopped long ago.
     I don't have anything to hide.
     I feel that the glory of the Internet is in the anarchic, trusting
     environment that so nurtures the exchange of information. Encryption just
     bogs that down.
     If you support encryption on the Internet, you must be a drug dealer or
     terrorist or something like that.
     Oh, here is something you all can use that is better (insert Clipper




Geeks love to play. No matter their age, all geeks enjoy playing. Of course,
the object of this entertainment takes a myriad of different forms. What is it
that pushes a geek to play? Is it simply a desire to relive their childhood? Or
perhaps there is a piece of geeky genetic code that requires intellectual
stimulation. Who knows, maybe it's a Freudian thing...


Star Trek

Most geeks have an undeniable love for the Star Trek television show (in any of
its different incarnations). Because GEEK is often synonymous with TREKKIE
(real geeks aren't so anal as to label themselves TREKKER), it is important
that all geeks list their Trek rating.

     It's not just a TV show, it's a religion. I know all about warp field
     dynamics and the principles behind the transporter. I have memorized the
     TECH manual. I speak Klingon. I go to cons with Vulcan ears on. I have no
     It's the best show around. I have all the episodes and the movies on tape
     and can quote entire scenes verbatim. I've built a few of the model kits
     too. But you'll never catch me at one of those conventions. Those people
     are kooks.
     It's a damn fine TV show and is one of the only things good on television
     any more.

     It's just another TV show
     Maybe it is just me, but I have no idea what the big deal with Star Trek
     is. Perhaps I'm missing something but I just think it is bad drama.
     Star Trek is just another Space Opera. William Shatner isn't an actor,
     he's a poser! And what's with this Jean-Luc Picard? A Frenchman with a
     British accent? Come on. Isn't Voyager just a rehash of Lost in Space? Has
     Sisko even breathed in the last two seasons? Come on. I'd only watch this
     show if my remote control broke.
     Star Trek SUCKS! It is the worst crap I have ever seen! Hey, all you
     trekkies out there, GET A LIFE! (William Shatner is a t---)

     I identify with Barclay, the greatest of the Trek Geeks.


Babylon 5

For many years, Sci-Fi geeks have wished for a television show that would
overcome the limitations of Star Trek. For many, a show called Babylon 5 has
met that demand, with a deep storyline, exciting characters and
state-of-the-art computer generated effects.

     I am J. Michael Straczynski
     I am a True Worshipper of the Church of Joe who lives eats breathes and
     thinks Babylon 5, and has Evil thoughts about stealing Joe's videotape
     archives just to see episodes earlier. I am planning to break into the
     bank and steal the triple-encoded synopsis of the 5-year arc.
     Finally a show that shows what a real future would look like. None of this
     Picardian "Let's talk about it and be friends" crap. And what's this? We
     finally get to see a bathroom! Over on that Enterprise, they've been
     holding it for over seven years!
     Babylon 5 certainly presents a fresh perspective in the Sci-Fi universe. I
     watch it weekly.

     I've seen it, I am pretty indifferent to it.
     This show is sub-par. The acting is wooden, the special effects are
     obviously poor quality. In general, it seems like a very cheap Star Trek
     You call this Sci-Fi? That is such a load of crap! This show is just a
     soap with bad actors, piss-poor effects, and lame storylines. Puh-leese.



The Fox Network's Friday evening show The X-Files has become the staple of
Friday geekhood. Any show that has aliens, governmental conspiracies, aliens,
psychic powers, aliens, and other weird stuff is, by definition, a geeky show.

     I am Chris Carter
     This is the BEST show on TV, and it's about time. I've seen everything
     David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson have ever done that been recorded and
     I'm a loyal Duchovny/ Gillian Anderson fan. I've Converted at least 10
     people. I have every episode at SP, debate the fine details on-line, and
     have a credit for at least 2 YAXAs.
     This is one of the better shows I've seen. I wish I'd taped everything
     from the start at SP, because I'm wearing out my EP tapes. I'll
     periodically debate online. I've Converted at least 5 people. I've gotten
     a YAXA.
     I've Converted my family and watch the show when I remember. It's really
     kinda fun.

     Ho hum. Just another Fox show.
     It's ok if you like paranoia and conspiracy stories, but, let's face it,
     it's crap.
     If I wanted to watch this kind of stuff, I'd talk to Oliver Stone


Role Playing

Role-playing games such as Dungeons & Dragons have long been a part of the
traditional geek life. Because geeks often become so involved in their
role-playing that they lose touch with reality, include one of the following
role-playing codes.

     I've written and published my own gaming materials.
     There is no life outside the role of the die. I know all of piddly rules
     of (chosen game). _MY_ own warped rules scare the rest of the players.
     I've got my weekly sessions set up and a character that I know better than
     I know myself.

     Role-Playing? That's just something to do to kill a Saturday afternoon
     Gosh, what an utter waste of time!
     Role-Players are instruments of pure evil.
     I work for T$R.

     I thought life WAS role-playing?



Many geeks have lives that revolve around television.

     There's nothing I can experience "out there" that I can't see coming over
     my satellite dish. I wish there were MORE channels. I live for the O.J.
     I just leave the tv on, to make sure I don't miss anything.
     I watch some tv every day.
     I watch only the shows that are actually worthwhile, such as those found
     on PBS.
     I watch tv for the news and 'special programming.'
     I turn my tv on during natural disasters.

     I do not own a television.



In addition (or maybe on the other hand), many geeks have lives that revolve
around books.

     I read a book a day. I have library cards in three states. I have discount
     cards from every major bookstore. I've ordered books from another country
     to get my Favorite Author Fix.
     I consume a few books a week as part of a staple diet.
     I find the time to get through at least one new book a month.
     I enjoy reading, but don't get the time very often.

     I read the newspaper and the occasional book.
     I read when there is no other way to get the information.
     I did not actually READ the geek code, I just had someone tell me.



Simply the geekiest comic strip in existence. for more information.

     I am Scott Adams.
     I've received mail from Scott Adams. I'm in the DNRC (Dogbert's New Ruling
     I am a Dilbert prototype
     I work with people that act a lot like Dilbert and his boss.
     I read Dilbert daily, often understanding it
     I read Dilbert infrequently, rarely understanding it
     Is that the comic about the engineers?
     Don't read it, but I think the dog is kinda cute.
     I don't think it's funny to make fun of managers trying their best to run
     their organizational units.



There is a game out for the PCs and other computers called DOOM. It's a 3D
virtual reality simulation where you race around and blow things away with
large-caliber weaponry. This has led to a series of similar games such as the
Star Wars themed Dark Forces. Tell us about your abilities with these 3D games.
(yes, some of them aren't actually Doom. Cope!)

     I work for iD Software.
     I crank out PWAD files daily, complete with new monsters, weaponry, sounds
     and maps. I'm a DOOM God. I can solve the original maps in nightmare mode
     with my eyes closed.
     I've played the shareware version and bought the real one and I'm actually
     pretty good at the game. I occasionally download PWAD files and play them
     It's a fun, action game that is a nice diversion on a lazy afternoon.

     I've played the game and I'm pretty indifferent.
     I've played the game and really didn't think it was all that impressive.
     It's an overly-violent game and pure crap
     To hell with Doom, I miss Zork.
     I've seen better on my Atari 2600


The Geek Code

     I am Robert Hayden
     I have made a suggestion for future versions of the code (note that making
     a suggestion just to get a G++++ rating doesn't count, you also have to at
     least qualify for a G+++ rating :-)
     I have memorized the entire geek code, and can decode others' codes in my
     head. I know by heart where to find the current version of the code on the
     I know what each letter means, but sometimes have to look up the
     I was once G++ (or higher), but the new versions are getting too long and
     too complicated.

     I know what the geek code is and even did up this code.
     What a tremendous waste of time this Geek Code is.
     Not only a waste of time, but it obviously shows that this Hayden guy
     needs a life.




Geeks, unlike the lower lifeforms known as nerds, have lives. They have things
to do that are in the outside world. Of course, this is usually done with other
geeks, but that's not the point. The point is,, that geeks are not necessarily
the outcasts society often believes they are. The fact is that society isn't
kool enough to be included in our activities.



All geeks have a varying amount of education.

     I am Stephen Hawking
     Managed to get my Ph.D.
     Got a Masters degree
     Got a Bachelors degree
     Got an Associates degree

     Finished High School
     Haven't finished High School
     Haven't even entered High School

     I learned everything there is to know about life from the "Hitchhiker's



Tell us about your geeky home.

     Living in a cave with 47 computers and an Internet feed, located near a
     Dominoes pizza. See !d.
     Living alone, get out once a week to buy food, no more than once a month
     to do laundry. All surfaces covered.

     Friends come over to visit every once in a while to talk about Geek
     things. There is a place for them to sit.
     Living with one or more registered Geeks.
     Living with one or more people who know nothing about being a Geek and
     refuse to watch Babylon 5.
     Married, (persons living romantically with someone might as well label
     themselves h---, you're as good as there already.)
     Married with children - Al Bundy can sympathize

     I am stuck living with my parents!
     I'm not sure where I live anymore. This lab/workplace seems like home to



While many geeks are highly successful at having relationships, a good many
more are not. Give us the gritty details.

     Found someone, dated, and am now married.
     I've dated my current S.O. for a long time.
     I date frequently, bouncing from one relationship to another.

     I date periodically.
     I have difficulty maintaining a relationship.
     People just aren't interested in dating me.
     I'm beginning to think that I'm a leper or something, the way people avoid
     me like the plague.

     I've never had a relationship.
     signifying membership in the SBCA (Sour Bachelor(ette)'s Club of America).
     The motto is 'Bitter, but not Desperate'. First founded at Caltech.
     I was going out with someone, but the asshole dumped me.



Geeks have traditionally had problems with sex (ie, they never have any).
Because geeks are so wrapped up in their sexuality (or lack of sexuality for
that matter), it is important that the geek be willing to quantify their sexual

This code also is used to denote the gender of the geek. Females use 'x' in
this category, while males use 'y'. Those that do not wish to disclose their
gender can use 'z'. For example:

   * x+ -- A female who has had sex
   * y+ -- A male who has had sex.
   * z+ -- A person (gender undisclosed) who has had sex.

For those persons who do not wish to give out any details of their sex life,
the use of z? (where z is the gender code) will allow you to do so.

     I am Madonna
     I have a few little rug rats to prove I've been there. Besides, with kids
     around, who has time for sex?
     I'm married, so I can get it (theoretically) whenever I want.
     I was once referred to as 'easy'. I have no idea where that might have
     come from though.
     I've had real, live sex.

     I've had sex. Oh! You mean with someone else? Then no.
     Not having sex by choice.
     Not having sex because I just can't get any...
     Not having sex because I'm a nun or a priest.
     I'm a pervert.
     I've been known to make perverts look like angels.

     Sex? What's that? I've had no sexual experiences.
     It's none of your business what my sex life is like (this is used to
     denote your gender only).
     Sex? What's that? No experience, willing to learn!


How to Display Your Code

Now that you have your ratings for each of the above categories, it's time to
assemble your code for displaying to the world. Take each category you
determined and list them all together with one space between each one. If you
run out space on one line, continue it on the next. When completed, it will
look something like the following:

     GED/J d-- s:++>: a-- C++(++++) ULU++ P+ L++ E---- W+(-) N+++ o+ K+++ w---
     O- M+ V-- PS++>$ PE++>$ Y++ PGP++ t- 5+++ X++ R+++>$ tv+ b+ DI+++ D+++
     G+++++ e++ h r-- y++**

If you are going to place your Geek Code into your .signature or .plan file
(highly recommended), you should create your GEEK CODE BLOCK. This parody of
the output created by the PGP program will attempt to universalize how you will
see the Geek Code around the net. Your GEEK CODE BLOCK will look like the

  Version: 3.1
  GED/J d-- s:++>: a-- C++(++++) ULU++ P+ L++ E---- W+(-) N+++ o+ K+++ w---
  O- M+ V-- PS++>$ PE++>$ Y++ PGP++ t- 5+++ X++ R+++>$ tv+ b+ DI+++ D+++
  G+++++ e++ h r-- y++**
  ------END GEEK CODE BLOCK------

As you can see, the actual code hasn't changed. However, the version number of
the code you are using is displayed along with lines starting and ending the
code. Make sure to duplicate the start and end lines exactly as the example in
order to maintain a net-wide standard (ie. five dashes front and back for the
BEGIN line and six for the END line, and all capital letters.)

"HELP!" you scream as your mailer or news reader won't let you post more than
four lines in the .signature. That is because some anal programs limit the size
of your signature. Your next best bet, then is to put your GEEK CODE BLOCK into
your .plan file and put something to the effect of "Finger for Geek Code" into
your .signature. That, or get a better mailer.


Where to find the Geek Code

The Geek Code is available at the following official sites. All other sites are
not official:

Via World Wide Web (HTML Format)
     gopher:// (ascii format only)

Via Finger
     finger (ascii format only)



The Geek Code is copyright (C) 1993, 1994, 1995 by Robert A. Hayden. All rights
reserved. You are free to distribute this code in electronic format provided
that the file remains unmodified and this copyright notice remains attached.
This copyright prohibits HTMLizing the code for publication on the web. If you
wish to publish abstracts or portions of the code, contact the author for
permission. If you wish to write an article about the Geek Code, please contact
the author. All creatures not native to Earth are exempt from this copyright,
however, they must prove that they qualify.