You Know You're too Serious About Computers... * If you did an error-free installation of Windows 95. * When your modem starts smoking. * If no one can reach you by phone since your computer is always online. * If you log-off your system because it's time to go to work. * If you call in sick because you found a great new WWW site. * If you can type your top 10 favorite Web sites, by heart. * If you can locate a particular home page without using a search engine. * If you can write your own html page. * If you can access more than 20 erotic no-pay sites. * If you download more than 20Mb of from a binary newsgroup, in one session. * If while reading a magazine, you look for the Zoom icon for a better look at a photograph. * You comment, while watching a sunset, that the image would be enhanced with 10% more magenta and a higher resolution. * If while driving down the street, you are confused by the numbers on the houses - they do not appear to be legitimate WWW addresses. * When someone tells you to remember something, and you look for File/Save command. * When you discover there is no little car icon with a forward arrow on the dashboard of your car, to make it go. * When you think the File/Kill command should apply to your system administrator. * When you find it easier to dial-up the National Weather Service Weather/your_town/now.html than to simply look out the window. * When you start using phrases like: Hungry.must-eat.food.now@home * If you have a heart attack when you forgot to pay your phone bill and receive a "pending disconnection of service" notice. * When you order most of what you buy... online. * If your fingers quit moving because you've been online for 36 hours. * When you find yourself engaged to someone you've never actually met; except through e-mail. * When you log-off from a session in your favorite newsgroup... and your log reads: Online time: 56 hours 24 minutes. * If your net provider suggests you try a competitor, because you're exceeding 300 hours a month, connect time. * When you add your third modem and dedicated phone line. * You access Microsoft's Web page every Sunday morning for Brother Bill's sermon. * When that 112Gb hard drive is full. * If 133 Mhz is simply too slow. * When your desk collapses under the weight of your computer peripherals. * If you have an "online" light installed on your car to tell you when the engine is running. * When you discover that in order to drive your car somewhere, you do not enter an http:// or ftp:// address. * If you can actually talk to the computers in your new car - and understand what they say. * When you modify the programming of your car's computers and actually get better mileage. * When you can access the Net - via your portable and cellular phone. * If on the way home from work, you use your portable and cellular phone in your car, to reprogram a Tomahawk missile, in flight, and redirect it to take out the joker in the Cadillac who cut you off. * If you try to press Alt-F4 to close your car window. * When you put a CD-ROM in your car's player. * When someone tells you about a great new program and you're very disappointed to find it's on TV. * If every sentence you utter begins with, "On the Net..." * If you put your e-mail address in the upper left-hand corner of envelopes. * If you have your e-mail address printed on your stationary. * When you insist on seeing the movie "The Net" - for the 63rd time. * If magazines like "InternetWorld" are of greater interest than "Playboy" or "Playgirl". * If you maintain more than 6 e-mail addresses. * If you use more than 20 passwords. * If you set up your own Web page. * If you set up a Web page for each of your kids... and your pets. * If, instead of a phone number, you ask someone for their e-mail address. * If you don't know anyone who DOESN'T have an e-mail addresses. * If, to you, 'safe sex' means doing it online. * If you convince your mom that she HAS to get online because e-mail is so much cheaper than long distance phone charges. * If you can write a list like this. * If you can relate to a list like this. (c) JOKEMASTER, 1995From: jokemaster@genie.geis.com