A Girl's Guide to Geek Guys
By Mikki Halpin and Victoria Maat

So, your crush on the bass player from Vibrating Sandbox has finally died a 
whimpering death and you're
wondering where to go from here. All the sinister dudes are either dating a 
series of interchangeable
high-school riot girls in baby doll dresses and an overdose of manic panic, 
or permanently shacked up with
some bitter old lady who pays all the bills. Which will it be, a wifely 
prison or a humiliating one night stand? Into
this void of potential mates comes a man you may not have considered 
before, a man of substance, quietude
and stability, a cerebral creature with a culture all his own. In short, a 

Why Geek Dudes Rule

    They are generally available. 
    Other women will tend not to steal them. 
    They can fix things. 
    Your parents will love them. 
    They're smart. 

Where The Geek Dude Lurks

While they are often into alternative music, geek dudes tend not to go to 
shows too often. Instead you'll find
them hanging out with their friends, discussing the latest hardware 
revolution or perfecting their Bill Gates
impressions. You know how some people wear t-shirts with their favorite 
bands on them, thus showing that they
went to certain shows? Well, geek dudes wear t-shirts with the logos of 
different software companies on them,
thus showing that they are up on the latest, um, releases. A small, though 
convivial, rivalry may be detected
here amongst the geek dudes. Try wearing one yourself and see if he strikes 
up a conversation.

Of course the best way to meet a geek dude is through the Internet. All 
geeks harbor a secret fantasy about
meeting some girl in cyberspace, carrying on an e-mail romance in which he 
has the chance to combine an
activity he is comfortable with, computing, with one he is very 
uncomfortable with, socializing. To many geek
dudes, cyberdating is just an advanced form of some kind of video game, but 
they are frustrated by a lack of
players. Their lack is your strength.


You might notice that these men harbor some strange ideas about how the 
world works and some particularly
strange ideas about women. There is a reason for this. Because they've had 
limited interpersonal experience,
geek dudes must look elsewhere for behavior models. Lacking a real world 
social milieu, geeks often go
through a transference stage with such narratives, and try to model their 
interactions on them. Thus, certain
media images and themes come to have an overly cathected, metaphorized 
reality to them, while the rest of
us view such programming as mere entertainment. Case in point, our next 

The Trek factor

If you're not up on your Star Trek, you can forget about getting or keeping 
a geek dude. And I'm not just talking
vintage-era Captain Kirk and Spock either. You've got to be up on your The 
Next Generation, your Deep
Space Nine, your Babylon 5. Armed with your own knowledge of Federation 
policies, you can better gauge
when and how to act. The sexual politics of Star Trek are pretty blunt: the 
men run the technology and the ship,
and the women are caretakers (a doctor and a counselor). Note the sexual 
tensions on the bridge of the
Enterprise: the women, in skin tight uniforms, and with luxuriant, flowing 
hair. The men, often balding, and
sporting some sort of permanently attached computer auxiliary. This world 
metaphorizes the fantasies of the
geek dude, who sees himself in the geeky-but-heroic male officers and who 
secretly desires a sexy, smart,
Deanna or Bev to come along and deferentially accept him for who he is. If 
you are willing to accept that this
is his starting point for reality, you are ready for a geek relationship. 

Once You've Nabbed Him

Of course, catching that geek guy is only half the battle. Keeping him by 
your side is another story altogether. I
was privileged to speak with Miss Victoria Maat, who not only got herself a 
geek guy but was also clever
enough to marry him just a few short months ago. She interrupted her 
newlywed bliss to give us a few tips on
the care and feeding of a geek man:

Geeks are sensitive and caring lovers and husbands. If you can hang with 
the techno-lifestyle, they make the
best mates. They are the most attractive people, not flashy or hunky, but 
the kind who get cuter and more
alluring over time (I told you she was a newlywed). Definitely give geeks a 

Geek Cuisine

Geeks tend towards packaged, junk foods since they prefer to work and think 
and aren't all that into cooking
for themselves. Make sure that your geek understands that you are not 
merely a replicator, and provide him
with home cooked food. A batch of chocolate chip cookies will let him know 
that you love him. You do have
to monitor your geek for weight gain; however, remember that most of their 
days are spent sitting and staring
at a monitor. 

Geek Lifestyle

The geek dude has long work habits and tends to bring his work home with 
him. He seems permanently
connected to his hard disk. You must at least appear interested in his 
work. Generally, a solid understanding of
the computer is a must; if you cannot master this, you should at least be 
able to talk the talk. Remember most
geeks are anal and they get stressed about details which appear 
insignificant. Be understanding, put on your
best Deanna Troi face (see above) and empathize.

To relax, geeks love to play the latest computer games. Let him play Myst 
or Chuck Yeager's Air Combat for
hours if he wants to. Act concerned if he's stuck or has just been ambushed 
by three MiGs. My geek loves to try
to help people on the Internet who say that they are stuck in Myst. He 
comes up with clever riddles instead of
directing them point blank. Geeks also like to go to sci-fi and Japanese 
animated movies, again, a basically
harmless vent for your man. 

Geek Buddies

Many geeks extend their work friendships into what they jokingly refer to 
as RL (Real Life, also known as "that
big room with the ceiling that is sometimes blue and sometimes black with 
little lights"). The greatest thing
about your geek's buddies is that you can feel secure in setting them up 
with your girlfriends. They may feel
awkward around females at first, so don't overwhelm them. In time they will 
come out of their shell and realize
that you are into the same things they are. 

Post-It Note

I thank Victoria for the above advice. I must say that when she read my 
draft of the piece, before writing her
section, she asked her husband which one he thought she was more like, 
Deanna or Beverly. Howard, the
devil, immediately replied that he had always thought Victoria was actually 
most like Ensign Ro Laren, a cute
character with a slight authority problem who is always had trouble (this 
is fairly apt). This exchange is
interesting for several reasons:

    Howard had already thought about who she was most like. 
    He could summon up characters from seasons past with ease. 
    Victoria actually knew who he meant. 
    Folks, I think this marriage will last. 

One Last Thing

Because they have been so abused and ignored by society, many geeks have 
gone underground. You may
actually know some and just haven't noticed them. They often feel 
resentful, and misunderstood, and it is
important to realize this as you grow closer to them. Don't ever try to 
force the issue, or make crazy demands
that he choose between his computer and you. Remember, his computer has 
been there for him his whole life;
you are a new interloper he hasn't quite grasped yet.

Geek dudes thrive on mystery and love challenges and intellectual puzzles. 
Don't you consider yourself one?
Wouldn't you like a little intellectual stimulation or your own? We thought so.