Why I Fired my Secretary One man explaining to another why he fired his secretary: Two weeks ago, it was my 45th birthday, and I wasn't feeling too hot when I got up that morning anyway. I went into breakfast knowing that my wife would be pleasant and say "Happy Birthday" and probably have a present for me, but she didn't even say "Good Morning". I said, "Well, that's a wife for you, the children will remember." The children came into breakfast and didn't say a word. When I started to the office I was feeling very low and despondent. As I walked into my office, Janet said, "Good morning boss ... Happy Birthday." Then I felt a little better that someone remembered. I worked until noon. About noon she knocked at the door and said, "you know, it's such a beautiful day outside, and it's your birthday. Let's go out to lunch--just you and me." So I said, "That's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go." We went to lunch. We didn't go to the place we usually went to. Instead we went to a little place in the country, which was more private. We had two martinis, and lunch was tremendous. We enjoyed it a lot. On the way back to the office, she said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day. Do we have to go back to the office?" I said, "No I guess not." She said, "Let's go over to my apartment and I'll fix you another martini." We went to her apartment. We enjoyed another martini and smoked a cigarette. She said, "If you don't mind, I think I'll go into the bedroom and change into something more comfortable." I said, "O.K." as I didn't mind a bit. She went into the bedroom, and in about five minutes she came out of the bedroom carrying a large birthday cake, followed by my wife and children, and they were all singing "Happy Birthday." And there I sat with nothing on but my socks.