What Your Car Really Says About You 

Acura Integra
     I have always wanted to own the Buick of sports cars 
Acura Legend
     I'm too bland for German cars 
Acura NSX 
     I am impotent 
Audi 90 
     I enjoy putting out engine fires 
Buick Park Avenue
     I am older than 34 of the 50 states 
Cadillac Eldorado
     I am a very good Mary Kay salesman 
Cadillac Seville
     I am a pimp 
Chevrolet Camaro
     I enjoy beating the hell out of people 
Chevrolet Cavalier 
     I am a sex machine 
Chevrolet Chevette 
     I like seeing people's reactions when I tell them I have a 'Vette 
Chevrolet Corvette 
     I'm in a mid-life crisis 
Chevrolet El Camino 
     I am leading a militia to overthrow the government 
Chrysler Cordoba 
     I dig the rich Corinthian leather 
Datsun 280Z 
     I have a kilo of cocaine in my wheel well 
Dodge Dart 
     I teach third grade special education and I voted for Eisenhower 
Dodge Daytona 
     I delivered pizza for four years to get this car 
Ferrari Testarossa 
     I am known to prematurely ejaculate 
Ford Fairmont
     (See Dodge Dart) 
Ford Mustang
     I slow down to 85 in school zones 
Ford Crown Victoria 
     I enjoy having people slow to 55mph and change lanes when I pull up
     behind them 
Geo Storm 
     I will start the 11th grade in the fall. 
Geo Tracker 
     I will start the 12th grade in the fall. 
Honda del Sol
     I have always said, half a convertible is better than no convertible at
Honda Civic 
     I have just graduated and have no credit 
Honda Accord
     I lack any originality and am basically a lemming. 
Infiniti Q45
     I am a physician with 17 malpractice suits pending. 
Isuzu Impulse
     I do not give a damn about J.D. Power or his reports. 
Jaguar XJ6 
     I am so rich I will pay 60K for a car that is in the shop 280 days per
Kia Sephia 
     I learned nothing from the failure of Daihatsu Corp. 
Lamborghini Countach 
     I only have one testicle 
Lincoln Town Car
     I live for bingo and covered dish suppers 
Mercedes 500SL
     I will beat you up if you ask me for an autograph 
Mercedes 560SEL
     I have a daughter named Bitsy and a son named Cole 
Mazda Miata 
     I do not fear being decapitated by an eighteen-wheeler 
     I am dating a mechanic 
Mitsubishi Diamante 
     I don't know what it means either 
Nissan 300ZX
     I have yet to complete my divorce proceedings. 
Oldsmobile Cutlass 
     I just stole this car and I'm going to make a fortune off the parts 
Peugeot 505 Diesel
     I am on the EPA's Ten Most Wanted List 
Plymouth Neon
     I sincerely enjoy doing the Macarena 
Pontiac Trans AM 
     I have a switchblade in my sock 
Porsche 911 Turbo 
     I have a three inch thingy 
Porsche 944 
     I am dating big haired women that otherwise would be inaccessible to me
Rolls Royce 
     I think Pat Buchanan is a tad bit tool iberal 
Saturn SC2 
     (See Honda Civic) 
Subaru Legacy
     I have always wanted a Japanese car even more inferior than Isuzu 
Toyota Camry
     I am still in the closet 
Volkswagen Cabriolet 
     I am out of the closet 
Volkswagen Beetle 
     I still watch Partridge Family reruns 
Volvo 740 Wagon
     I am frightened of my wife