Top Ten Signs You Have a Bad Airline Pilot

10.You overhear him say on the intercom "Hey, Pedro, What's this gizmo do?"
9. For the past two hours, you've been going straight up
8. He says, "We're cruising at an altitude of 40 feet"
7. Co-pilot is sitting on his lap
6. When you take off he yells, "Weeeeeeeeee!"
5. At some point he announces, "Screw Chicago, Let's go find that Mars
4. He's wearing a Domino's Pizza uniform
3. Over P.A. you hear, "Heh, heh, heh, this plane sucks, heh, heh, heh" 
2. As you get on the plane you recognize the pilot as the same guy who drove
    your cab to the airport
1. Keeps referring to the control tower as "Mommy"