Top 15 Problems Encountered Along the Olympic Torch Route

15) Forward progress hampered by slow moving white Bronco.

14) Torch commandeered in Waco by over-zealous ATF agents.

13) One *really* pissed off Smokey the Bear.

12) Budget cuts cause torch to be replaced by less-than-dependable
	Bic lighter.

11) Difficulty getting melted marshmellows off torch after "s'mores"
	party got out of hand.

10) Running 7 miles before realizing the torch is still on top of
	the urinal at the last rest stop.

9)  First-degree burns to runners unfamiliar with how to "receive
	the baton."

8)  Jim Bob, lying in wait on the outskirts of Memphis with a case
	of Bud and a supersoaker.

7)  Rosie Ruiz takes flame in NYC -- appears 30 minutes later in

6)  Drive-by goosings.

5)  Torchbearers driven insane by repeated playing of the "Chariots
	of Fire" theme.

4)  Torch-jackings in urban areas.

3)  Crazed hippie terrorists replace Olympic Torch with new
	Olympic Bong.

2)  Male runners repeatedly get lost and refuse to stop for directions.

and the Number 1 Problem Encountered Along the Olympic Torch Route...

1)  Obnoxious drunks who run up and yell, "No, I meant a BUD light!"