64 Ways to Piss Off a Cop
  1 - When you get pulled over, say, "What's wrong, ossifer, there's
      no blood in my alcohol."
  2 - When he asks why you were speeding, tell him you wanted to race.
  3 - When he talks to you, pretend you are deaf.
  4 - If he asks if you knew how fast you were going, say, "No.  My
      speedometer only goes up to ...."
  5 - Touch him.
  6 - When he asks why you were speeding, tell him you had to buy a hat.
  7 - Ask him where he bought his cool hat.
  8 - Refer to him by his first name.
  9 - Pretend you are gay and ask him out.
 10 - When he says no, cry.
 11 - If he says yes, accuse him of sexual harrassment.
 12 - If the cop is a woman, tell her how ugly she is, but in a nice way.
 13 - If he asks you to step out of the car, automatically throw yourself
      on the hood.
 14 - When he asks you to spread 'em, tell him you don't go that way.
 15 - When he puts on the handcuffs, say, "My dates usually buy me
      dinner first."
 16 - Ask to be fingerprinted with candy, 'cause you don't like to get
      ink on your fingers.
 17 - After you sign the ticket and give it back to him, say, "Oopps !
      That's the wrong name."
 18 - Bribe him with donuts and when he agrees, tell him, "Sorry, I just
      ate the last one."
 19 - When he comes up to the car, say, "license and registration, please"
      right when he says it.
 20 - When he starts to read you your rights, sing, "La, la, la, la, I
      can't hear you !"
 21 - Trip and fall into him.
 22 - Accuse him of police brutality when he pushes you away.
 23 - Before you sign the ticket, pick your nose. (you are using his pen)
 24 - Chew on the pen, nervously.
 25 - Clean your ear with the pen.
 26 - If it's a click pen, take it apart and play with the spring.
 27 - Ask if he has a daughter.  If he says yes, say, "I thought that
      name sounded familiar...."
 28 - Ask him if he ever worked in a prison.  If he says yes, ask him
      how the plumbing was....
 29 - Act like you're retarded.
 30 - When he's telling you what you did wrong, start repeating him,
 31 - Or mumble to yourself.
 32 - When he tells you to stop, say, "What are you talkin' about, DUDE ?"
 33 - Drive to Dunkin' Donuts and say, "Hmmmmm.... only five of you here
 34 - Ask if they know how to make the donuts.
 35 - When he comes to the car, say, "I have a badge just like that."
 36 - Ask if he watches "COPS."
 37 - Ask if he ever watched "Cop Rock."
 38 - Giggle if he did.
 39 - Talk to your hand.
 40 - Ask him if he knows Rosy Palmer and her five favorite friends.
 41 - Accuse him of sexual harrassment if he does.
 42 - When he frisks you, grin and say, "You missed a spot..."
 43 - When he asks to inspect your car, say, "There is no alcohol in
      my car, sir.  The last cop took it."
 44 - Try to sell him your car.
 45 - Ask if you can buy his car.
 46 - If he takes you to the station, ask to sit up front.
 47 - Play with the siren.
 48 - If you know him, tell him you had his wife for dinner.
 49 - If you don't know him, ask if you can have his wife for dinner.
 50 - Oopps....  I meant "OVER" for dinner.
 51 - Ask if he ever had poon-tang.
 52 - If he asks what that is, point at him and giggle.
 53 - If there is someone else in the car, talk to each other in tongues.
 54 - When he acts confused, keep talking, look at him, and laugh.
 55 - When you are in the back of his car, touch his neck through the
 56 - Turn your head and whistle.
 57 - When he pulls out his night stick, ask, "What are you gonna do
      with that ?"
 58 - If you are female, say, "I don't do that on the first date."
 59 - If he sticks you in the back of the car, cower in the corner,
      suck your thumb, and whine.
 60 - Ask if you can see his gun.
 61 - When he says it isn't allowed, tell him, "I just wanted to see if
      mine is bigger."
 62 - Stare at his lights and say, "Look at the pretty colors."
 63 - Tell him you like men in uniforms.
 64 - Ask if you can borrow his uniform for a Halloween party.