50 Ways to Confuse, Worry, or Scare People in the Computer Lab


  1. Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look on your face and scream
     "Oh my God! They've found me!" and bolt.
  2. Laugh uncontrollably for about 3 minutes & then suddenly stop and look
     suspiciously at everyone who looks at you.
  3. When your computer is turned off, complain to the monitor on duty that
     you can't get the damn thing to work. After he/she's turned it on, wait
     5 minutes,turn it off again, & repeat the process for a good half hour.
  4. Type frantically, often stopping to look at the person next to you
  5. Before anyone else is in the lab, connect each computer to different
     screen than the one it's set up with.
  6. Write a program that plays the "Smurfs" theme song and play it at the
     highest volume possible over & over again.
  7. Work normally for a while. Suddenly look amazingly startled by
     something on the screen and crawl underneath the desk.
  8. Ask the person next to you if they know how to tap into top-secret
     Pentagon files.
  9. Use Interactive Send to make passes at people you don't know.
 10. Make a small ritual sacrifice to the computer before you turn it on.
 11. Bring a chainsaw, but don't use it. If anyone asks why you have it, say
     "Just in case..." mysteriously.
 12. Type on VAX for a while. Suddenly start cursing for 3 minutes at >>
     everything bad about your life. Then stop and continue typing.
 13. Enter the lab,undress, and start staring at other people as if they're
     crazy while typing.
 14. Light candles in a pentagram around your terminal before starting.
 15. Ask around for a spare disk. Offer $2. Keep asking until someone
     agrees. Then, pull a disk out of your fly and say, "Oops, I forgot."
 16. Every time you press Return and there is processing time required, pray
     "Ohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohplease," and scream "YES!" when it finishes.
 17. "DISK FIGHT!!!"
 18. Start making out with the person at the terminal next to you (It helps
     if you know them, but this is also a great way to make new friends).
 19. Put a straw in your mouth and put your hands in your pockets. Type by
     hitting the keys with the straw.
 20. If you're sitting in a swivel chair, spin around singing "The Lion
     Sleeps Tonight" whenever there is processing time required.
 21. Draw a pictue of a woman (or man) on a piece of paper, tape it to your
     monitor. Try to seduce it. Act like it hates you and then complain
     loudly that women (men) are worthless.
 22. Try to stick a Ninetendo cartridge into the 3 1/2 disc drive, when it
     doesn't work, get the supervisor.
 23. When you are on an IBM, and when you turn it on, ask loudly where the
     smiling Apple face is when you turn on one of those.
 24. Print out the complete works of Shakespeare, then when its all done
     (two days later) say that all you wanted was one line.
 25. Sit and stare at the screen, biting your nails noisely. After doing
     this for a while, spit them out at the feet of the person next to you.
 26. Stare at the screen, grind your teeth, stop, look at the person next to
     grinding. Repeat procedure, making sure you never provoke the person
     enough to let them blow up, as this releases tension, and it is far
     more effective to let them linger.
 27. If you have long hair, take a typing break, look for split ends, cut
     them and deposit them on your neighbor's keyboard as you leave.
 28. Put a large, gold-framed portrait of the British Royal Family on your
     desk and loudly proclaim that it inspires you.
 29. Come to the lab wearing several layers of socks. Remove shoes and place
     them of top of the monitor. Remove socks layer by layer and drape them
     around the monitor. Exclaim sudden haiku about the aesthetic beauty of
     cotton on plastic.
 30. Take the keyboard and sit under the computer. Type up your paper like
     this. Then go to the lab supervisor and complain about the bad working
 31. Laugh hysterically, shout "You will all perish in flames!!!" and
     continue working.
 32. Bring som dry ice & make it look like your computer is smoking.
 33. Assign a musical note to every key (ie. the Delete key is A Flat, the B
     key is F sharp, etc.). Whenever you hit a key, hum its note loudly.
     Write an entire pape this way.
 34. Attempt to eat your computer's mouse.
 35. Borrow someone else's keyboard by reaching over, saying "Excuse me,
     mind if I borrow this for a sec?", unplugging the keyboard & taking it.
 36. Bring in a bunch of magnets and have fun.
 37. When doing calculations, pull out an abacus and say that sometimes the
     old ways are best.
 38. Play Pong for hours on the most powerful computer in the lab.
 39. Make a loud noise of hitting the same key over and over again until you
     see that your neighbor is noticing (You can hit the space bar so your
     fill isn't affected). Then look at your neighbor's keyboard. Hit
     his/her delete key several times, erasing an entire word. While you do
     this, ask: "Does *your* delete key work?" Shake your head, and resume
     hitting the space bar on your keyboard. Keep doing this until you've
     deleted about a page of your neighbor's document. Then, suddenly
     exclaim: "Well, whaddya know? I've been hitting the space bar this
     whole time. No wonder it wasn't deleting! Ha!" Print out your document
     and leave.
 40. Remove your disk from the drive and hide it. Go to the lab monitor and
     complain that your computer ate your disk. (For special effects, put
     some Elmer's Glue on or around the disk drive. Claim that the computer
     is drooling.)
 41. Stare at the person's next to your's screen, look really puzzled, burst
     out laughing, and say "You did that?" loudly. Keep laughing, grab your
     stuff and leave, howling as you go.
 42. Point at the screen. Chant in a made up language while making elaborate
     hand gestures for a minute or two. Press return or the mouse, then leap
     back and yell "COVEEEEERRRRRR!" peek up from under the table, walk back
     to the computer and say. "Oh, good. It worked this time," and calmly
     start to type again.
 43. Keep looking at invisible bugs and trying to swat them.
 44. See who's online. Send a total stranger a talk request. Talk to them
     like you've known them all your lives. Hangup before they geta chance
     to figure out you're a total stranger.
 45. Bring an small tape player with a tape of really absurd sound effects.
     Pretend it's the computer and look really lost.
 46. Pull out a pencil. Start writing on the screen. Complain that the lead
     doesn't work.
 47. Come into the computer lab wearing several endangered species of
     flowers in your hair. Smile incessantly. Type a sentence, then laugh
     happily, exclaim "You're such a marvel!!", and kiss the screen. Repeat
     this after every sentence. As your ecstasy mounts, also hug the
     keyboard. Finally, hug your neighbor, then the computer assistant, and
     walk out.
 48. Run into the computer lab, shout "Armageddon is here!!!!!", then calmly
     sit down and begin to type.
 49. Quietly walk into the computer lab with a Black and Decker chainsaw,
     rev that baby up, and then walk up to the nearest person and say, "Give
     me that computer or you'll be feeding my pet crocodile for the next
 50. Two words: Tesla Coil.