The Simpsons - list of blackboard openings

Episode numbers indicate the quote used when the episode was shown for the
first time; in some cases, the one used in Canada is listed where it was
"original" and the USA one was repeated.

7G02   I will not waste chalk
7G03   I will not skateboard in the halls
7G04   I will not burp in class
7G06   I will not instigate revolution
7G09   I will not draw naked ladies in class
7G07   I did not see Elvis
7G10   I will not call my teacher "Hot Cakes"
7G13   Garlic gum is not funny
7G12   They are laughing at me, not with me
7G01   I will not yell "Fire" in a crowded classroom
7F03   I will not encourage others to fly
7F03   I will not fake my way through life
7F02   Tar is not a plaything
7F01   I will not Xerox my butt
7F01   It's potato, not potatoe
7F05   I will not trade pants with others
7F08   I am not a 32 year old woman
7F07   I will not do that thing with my tongue
7F06   I will not drive the principal's car
7F09   I will not pledge allegiance to Bart
7F10   I will not sell school property
7F11   I will not cut corners
7F12   I will not get very far with this attitude
7F13   I will not make flatuent noises in class
7F15   I will not belch the National Anthem
7F16   I will not sell land in Florida
7F17   I will not grease the monkey bars
7F18   I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment
7F20   I will not do anything bad ever again
7F21   I will not show off
7F22   I will not sleep through my education
7F24   I am not a dentist
8F01   Spitwads are not free speech
7F23   Nobody likes sunburn slappers
8F03   High explosives and school don't mix
8F03   I will not bribe Principal Skinner
8F04   I will not squeak chalk
8F05   I will finish what I sta
8F06   "Bart Bucks" are not legal tender
8F08   Underwear should be worn on the inside
8F09   The Christmas Pageant does not stink
8F10   I will not torment the emotionally frail
8F11   I will not carve gods
8F14   I will not spank others
8F13   I will not aim for the head
8F15   I will not barf unless I'm sick
8F15   I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty
8F17   I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge
8F19   I will not conduct my own fire drills
8F20   Funny noises are not funny
8F22   I will not snap bras
8F23   I will not fake seizures
8F24   This punishment is not boring and pointless
8F18   My name is not Dr. Death
9F01   I will not defame New Orleans
9F02   I will not prescribe medication
9F03   I will not bury the new kid
9F05   I will not teach others to fly
9F06   I will not bring sheep to class
9F07   A burp is not an answer
9F08   Teacher is not a leper
9F09   Coffee is not for kids
9F10   I will not eat things for money
9F11   I will not yell "She's Dead" at roll call
9F12   The principal's toupee is not a Frisbee
9F13   I will not call the principal "spud head"
9F14   Goldfish don't bounce
9F15   Mud is not one of the 4 food groups
9F17   No one is interested in my underpants
9F16   I will not sell miracle cures
9F18   I will return the seeing-eye dog
9F20   I do not have diplomatic immunity
9F19   I will not charge admission to the bathroom
9F21   I will never win an Emmy
9F22   The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy
1F07   All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy
1F08   I will not say "Springfield" just to get applause
1F09   I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers
1F11   My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man
1F10   I will not go near the kindergarten turtle
1F14   I am not deliciously saucy
1F15   Organ transplants are best left to the professionals
1F16   The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with Hail Satan
1F18   I will not celebrate meaningless milestones
1F19   There are plenty of businesses like show business
1F21   I will not re-transmit without the express permission of Major League
1F20   Five days is not too long to wait for a gun
1F22   Beans are neither fruit nor musical
2F33   I will not use abbrev.
2F01   I am not the reincarnation of Sammy Davis Jr.