Stupid Slogans Waiting to be Copyrighted



   *  Don't drink and drive - you might hit a bump and spill it.
   *  Don't drink and park - accidents cause people.
   *  Keep America beautiful, swallow your beer cans.
   *  If money can't buy happiness, I guess you'll just have to rent it.
   *  Drive defensively, buy a tank.
   *  I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not too sure.
   *  Famous last words: Don't unplug it, it will just take a moment to fix.
   *  Famous last words: What happens if you touch these two wires tog--
   *  Famous last words: Don't worry, it's not loaded.
   *  Everything I need to know I got from watching Gilligan's Island.
   *  It doesn't matter how hard you've studied; the material won't be on the
     exam anyway.
   *  Sticks and stones may break my bones, but whips and chains excite me.
   *  If it doesn't fit, force it; if it breaks, it needed replacement anyway.
   *  Reality is a figment of your imagination.
   *  Life is just one of those things.
   *  Don't use force; use a bigger hammer.
   *  Make WAR, not SEX, it's safer!
   *  You know it's going to be a bad day when you jump out of bed and miss the
   *  I can handle pain until it hurts.
   *  It's not what you say in your argument, it's how loud you say it.
   *  Live teddy bears are best.
   *  Nothing is illegal until you get caught.
   *  The ultimate reason is "because."
   *  I'm objective; I object to everything.
   *  You cannot achieve the impossible without attempting the absurd.
   *  Kiss me twice. I'm schizophrenic.
   *  Your not drunk if you can lie on the floor without hanging on.
   *  Abandon the search for Truth; settle for a good fantasy.
   *  If you cannot convince them, confuse them.
   *  A day for firm decisions!!! Or is it??
   *  If you can't learn to do it well, learn to enjoy doing it badly.
   *  I have always been crazy, but it kept me from going insane.
   *  Never give a sucker an even break; take everything you can from him.
   *  Millions of years ago, man climbed out of the slime. You want to join the
   *  Laws are like bones; they're made to be broken.
   *  It's only a game until you lose.
   *  If God had intended man to watch TV, he would have given him rabbit ears.
   *  Gravity is a myth, the Earth sucks.
   *  Fine day to work off excess energy, steal something heavy.
   *  If you didn't get caught, did you really do it?
   *  Everything is unimportant in some way.
   *  Life is a terminal disease.
   *  Your lucky color has faded.
   *  Overdrawn? But I still have checks left!
   *  Yeah, there's a lot of stress here, but I'm not straining.
   *  How 'bout coming up to my place for a spot of heavy breathing?
   *  The world's so terrible that one can only make fun of it.
   *  No matter where you go; you're there.
   *  Life's biggest question is whether or not you're happy - not with others,
     but with yourself.
   *  Love isn't love until you give it away.
   *  Don't take me literally.
   *  Nothing is ever 100%
   *  I'd love to go out with you, but I have to stay home and see if I snore.
   *  I'd love to go out with you, but it's my parakeet's bowling night.
   *  I'd love to go out with you, but I'm having all my plants neutered.
   *  If you think this week was a drag, wait till you see what happens next
   *  If you knew what you were doing, you'd be bored.
   *  It's not just reality that matters.
   *  Pets aren't dangerous; just don't let them carry guns.
   *  The unexamined life is not worth living.
   *  You can't dream too much; you can't do enough to make your dreams come
   *  Where does it go? It doesn't matter. Flush it.
   *  The world is coming to an end. Please log off.
   *  Experience varies directly with equipment ruined.
   *  Avoid reality at all costs.
   *  Take everything in stride. Trample anyone who gets in your way.
   *  Do not believe in miracles - rely on them.
   *  It looks like blind screaming hedonism won out.
   *  Save the whales, collect the whole set.
   *  If everything is coming your way, then you're in the wrong lane.
   *  90% of everything is crud.
   *  LSD melts in your mind, not in your hands.
   *  Earn cash in your spare time, blackmail your friends.
   *  Oh well, I guess this is just going to be one of those lifetimes.
   *  Don't believe everything you hear or anything you say.
   *  Death is life's way of telling you you're fired.
   *  If all else fails, throw up.
   *  Do we know that life has a cause?
   *  No one is perfect, but some of us are closer than others.
   *  Live fast, die young, and leave a good looking corpse behind.
   *  Fun is just point of view.
   *  If you understand something today, it must be obsolete.
   *  My rules apply only to other people, not myself.
   *  In God we trust; all others must pay cash.
   *  It's only hopeless if you walk away.
   *  Keep that sense of humor; it's critical.
   *  Imagination is the foundation of reality.
   *  Life is a glitch in the universal program; death is just the programmer's
     way of debugging.
   *  The real trick to carrying on is not getting carried away.
   *  Life's a tough job, and the hours are a bitch.
   *  Everything is possible; just not too probable.
   *  Since when is talking a sign of thinking?
   *  Looking to God for answers is premature.
   *  I like quality, not quantity.
   *  Why should I grow up? This is more fun!
   *  I have crossed and recrossed the line between sanity and madness so many
     times that I have all but rubbed it out.
   *  Reality is all a point of view.
   *  Don't play with your food, especially after you've already eaten it.
   *  Kinky sex is for those who can't handle normal sex.
   *  Hugs don't feel as good on the computer.
   *  Speak softly, but carry an M16.
   *  Change a life; make someone feel important.
   *  Don't let schooling get in the way of your education.
   *  It's all a pigment of your hallucination.
   *  Your type doesn't stay around long enough to stay your type.
   *  Yea, though I walk through the valley of death, I will fear no evil, for
     I am the meanest son-of-a-bitch in the valley.
   *  Consider yourself hugged.
   *  Just take a cold shower and sleep it off.
   *  In theory, everything works.
   *  Life is recursive.
   *  The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of the oncoming
   *  Plagiarism is copying from one source; research is copying from two or
   *  Repetition is always better the second time.
   *  Clever is getting out alive.
   *  Around here, to be nuts is normal, to be sane is stupid.
   *  Just plead the Fifth -- or drink it -- either way.
   *  Death is the consequence of being alive.
   *  Life's a beach, and then you drown.
   *  Don't worry about life; you're not going to survive it, anyway.
   *  Never open a book before 4 p.m. Sunday. (Rule of Weekend Studying)
   *  Believe in Darwin; cancer cures smoking.
   *  Time flies when you don't know what you're doing.
   *  People who think they know what they're doing are especially annoying to
     those of us who do.
   *  Have a nice day . . . somewhere else.
   *  Was today really necessary?
   *  Life without bears would be unbearable.
   *  Lead me not into temptation; I can find it myself.
   *  I've no time to prepare a profound message.
   *  Life is too important to be taken seriously.
   *  Whatever it is -- I didn't do it!
   *  You're twisted, depraved, and rotten to the core . . . I like that in a
   *  Rainy days and automatic weapons always get me down.
   *  Optimism: Waiting for a ship to come in when you haven't sent one out.
   *  It's been Monday all week.
   *  When all else fails, lower your standards.
   *  I'm surrounded by idiots!
   *  Do unto others before they do unto you.
   *  Why be normal?
   *  I don't know, I don't care, and it doesn't make any difference.
   *  Don't take life too seriously; it's not permanent.
   *  If you're gonna go, go obnoxiously.
   *  I'm only a hypochondriac when I'm feeling sick.
   *  I don't think I'd be so bored if I didn't have so much to do.
   *  Never trust a nun with a gun.
   *  It's an IBM; it's got an excuse.
   *  Don't compute and drive; the life you save may be your own.
   *  No matter how bad a situation is, if you can't laugh at it, you are in
     really deep shit.
   *  Never go into a hug off balance.
   *  Life's a bitch, and then you're reincarnated.
   *  Cute and interesting are two different things.
   *  If there were no such thing as bears, what kind of hugs would we give?
   *  Life without glasses is fuzzy-wonderful.
   *  It's your right to be stupid, but it doesn't mean you should be.
   *  Life's a trip and then you run out of Travelers' Checks.
   *  If life's a trip, then where's my ticket?
   *  IBM: The stupidity goes in when the name goes on.
   *  I wouldn't know how to act if I weren't in trouble.
   *  If you're gonna' panic, panic constructively.
   *  A kibble is one thousand nibbles.
   *  Having a good time can be deadly.
   *  Reality is only fantasy gone stale.
   *  Be good; if you can't be good, forget it!
   *  If you can't go first class, charge it.
   *  Reality is a nice place, but I wouldn't want to live there.
   *  Be fruit fly and multiple.
   *  Sarcasm helps keep you from telling people what you really think of them.
   *  Wouldn't it be nice if there was an Escape key for all of our problems?
   *  I know my biology; it's your biology I don't know.
   *  Life isn't weird; it's the people in it.
   *  I should have known better; every happy moment in my life came from
   *  If you can't be weird, why be?
   *  It isn't homework unless it's due tomorrow.
   *  Gravity always gets me down.
   *  I've given up trying to escape from reality; they always find me anyway.
   *  I'm serious; it was a joke.
   *  Hairy Kiwi: Death by fruit.
   *  If we're going to have fun, we've got to be serious about it.
   *  If I can't fix it, it ain't broken.
   *  I'm not a psychiatrist; I'm just an expert at being confused.
   *  Now that I've finally got my act together, I've forgotten what I'm
     supposed to do with it.
   *  I cleaned up my act once, but I decided it was more fun when it was
   *  This was only a test; if this had been a real emergency, you'd be dead.
   *  For him to get an idea, it would be a surgical process.
   *  I'm not a creep; I'm actually a wonderful person hiding inside the body
     of a creep.
   *  I'm not crazy; I'm just a sane person trapped in the body of a lunatic.
   *  Being good at being stupid doesn't count.
   *  Some have morals, some don't, most simply ignore them.
   *  You can't be late until you show up.
   *  It doesn't matter what temperature a room is; it's always room
   *  I just love nonverbal communication!
   *  If we don't know it already, chances are we're not interested in learning
   *  You've gotta' die in creative ways.
   *  They keep saying the right person will come along; I think mine got hit
     by a truck.
   *  Get out of my reality!
   *  If it's not nailed down, it's fair game.
   *  It's beautiful the way it is; why spoil it by making it legal?
   *  Everybody looks brave holding a machine gun.
   *  It's not when you get up, but when you get down.
   *  I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week
     sometimes to make it up.
   *  I don't have any solution but I certainly admire the problem.
   *  Every time I think I know where it's at, they move it.
   *  To err is human, to forgive is not Company Policy.
   *  Of course there is no reason for it, it's just my policy.
   *  Of course it's the murder weapon. Who would frame someone with a fake?
   *  When in doubt, use brute force.
   *  Excellent time to become a missing person.
   *  A nuclear war can ruin your whole day.
   *  Confidence is the feeling you have before you understand the situation.
   *  All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
   *  My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
   *  Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean that they AREN'T after you.
   *  Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.
   *  Your lucky number is 32345543423225. Watch for it everywhere.
   *  They told me I was gullible .. and I believed them.
   *  When you do not know what you are doing, do it neatly.
   *  Don't tell me any big lies today. Small ones can be just as effective.
   *  Look out! Behind you!
   *  Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense.
   *  If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.
   *  Laughter is the closest distance between two people.
   *  Kiss your keyboard goodbye!
   *  If you are feeling good, don't worry. You'll get over it.
   *  Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid all together.
   *  Your lucky number has been disconnected.
   *  Darth Vader sleeps with a Teddywookie.
   *  A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
   *  Give your child mental blocks for Christmas.
   *  Death is God's way of telling you not to be such a wise guy.
   *  Amnesia used to be my favorite word, but then I forgot it.
   *  I haven't lost my mind -- it's backed up on tape somewhere.
   *  The shortest distance between two points is under construction.
   *  There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.
   *  Today is an excellent day to have a rotten day.
   *  Today is the first day of the rest of the mess.
   *  You know it's a bad day when... ... the sun comes up in the west. ... you
     jump out of bed and miss the floor. ... the bird singing outside your
     window is a buzzard. ... you put both contact lenses in the same eye. ...
     your pet rock snaps at you. ... the blind date turns out to be your
     ex-wife. ... your income tax refund check bounces. ... you put your bra on
     backwards and it fits better. ... Suicide Prevention puts you on hold.
   *  Nothing is as easy as it looks.
   *  Everything takes longer than you think.
   *  It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so
   *  Mother Nature is a bitch.
   *  Smile . . . tomorrow will be worse.
   *  When things just can't get any worse, they will.
   *  Anytime things appear to be going better, you have overlooked something.
   *  No matter what goes wrong, it will probably look right.
   *  Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it only makes it worse.
   *  Always keep a record of data - it indicates you've been working.
   *  In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.
   *  Experiments should be reproducible - they should all fail in the same
   *  Do not believe in miracles - rely on them.
   *  Anything that begins well, ends badly. Anything that begins badly, ends
   *  Any given program, when running, it is obsolete.
   *  Any given program costs more and takes longer.
   *  If a program is useful, it will have to be changed.
   *  If a program is useless, it will have to be documented.
   *  Profanity is the one language all programmers know best.
   *  No matter how much you do, you'll never do enough.
   *  What you don't do is always more important than what you do do.
   *  When it rains, it pours.
   *  The course of progress: Most things get steadily worse.
   *  Everything put together sooner or later falls apart.
   *  Things will get worse before they get better.
   *  Who said things would get better?
   *  Things get worse under pressure.
   *  Nothing ever goes away.
   *  You always find something in the last place you look.
   *  You can't fall off the floor.
   *  Anything can be made to work if you fiddle with it long enough.
   *  If you mess with a thing long enough, it'll break.
   *  Push something hard enough and it will fall.
   *  The solution to a problem changes the nature of the problem.
   *  Inside every large problem is a small problem struggling to get out.
   *  A good plan today is better than a perfect plan tomorrow.
   *  Too much of a good thing is wonderful.
   *  It's not an optical illusion, it just looks like one.
   *  You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
   *  Test tube babies shouldn't throw stones.
   *  If God intended men to smoke, He would have set him on fire.
   *  Drugs may be the road to nowhere, but at least they're the scenic route.
   *  Whoever has the gold makes the rules.
   *  Nice guys don't finish nice.
   *  It's morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money.
   *  It's better to have a horrible ending than to have horrors without end.
   *  Never eat more than you can lift.
   *  Until you walk a mile in another man's moccasins you can't imagine the
   *  It was such a lovely day I thought it was a pity to get up.
   *  I may have my faults, but being wrong isn't one of them.
   *  If today was a fish, I'd throw it back in.
   *  Never go to bed mad, stay up and fight.
   *  I talk to myself because I like dealing with a better class of people.
   *  I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time.
   *  The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar
   *  Stop crime at its source! Support Planned Parenthood.
   *  The 100% American is 99% an idiot.
   *  If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt.
   *  There's no point in being grownup if you can't be childish sometimes.
   *  You're being followed, cut out the hanky-panky for a few days.
   *  You've been leading a dog's life. Stay off the furniture.
   *  The whole purpose of your life is to serve as a warning to others.
   *  A gleekzorp without a ternpee is like a quop without a fertsneet (sort
   *  Laugh at your problems, everyone else does.
   *  If Murphy's Law can go wrong, it will.
   *  Don't abandon hope: your Tom Mix decoder ring arrives tomorrow.
   *  Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.
   *  I'm prepared for all emergencies. But I'm totally unprepared for everyday
   *  A bird in the hand is safer than one overhead.
   *  The new baby is like royalty, he's the prince of wails.
   *  He heard she was stuck up and asked how much they got.
   *  Ill-bred children are always displaying their pest manners.
   *  He had never seen the Catskill Mountains, but had seen them kill mice.
   *  The pants were very sad, they were depressed.
   *  Her body was recovered, she bought a new suit of clothes.
   *  If a women changed her sex, what would her religion be? She would be a
   *  When asked if he had missed school lately, the boy said `Not a bit.`
   *  The former ruler of Russia and his wife were called Tsar and Tsarina, so
     clearly their children were called Tsardines.
   *  Students may like nitrates, they're cheaper than day rates.
   *  New with a K in front is a Canoe.
   *  He thought the formula for water was H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O, H-to-O.
   *  Little rivers which run into the Nile, Juveniles.
   *  Did you hear about the two peanuts walking down the road when one of them
     was assaulted?
   *  It's bad luck to be superstitious.
   *  Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.
   *  Support bacteria, it's the only culture some people have.
   *  Don't let people drive you crazy when you know it's in walking distance.
   *  When does summertime come to Minnesota you ask? Well, last year I think
     it was a Tuesday.
   *  I wouldn't recommend sex, drugs or insanity for everyone, but they've
     always worked for me.
   *  I believe in getting in hot water; it keeps you clean.
   *  If you can't be good, be careful. If you can't be careful, give me a
   *  Had this been an actual emergency, we would have fled in terror and you
     wouldn't have been notified.
   *  According to my best recollection, I don't remember.
   *  Get forgiveness now - tomorrow you may no longer feel guilty.
   *  Tomorrow will be canceled due to lack of interest.
   *  CChheecckk yyoouurr dduupplleexx sswwiittcchh..
   *  Cautious: Breathing may be hazardous to your health.
   *  Schizophrenia beats being alone.
   *  Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.
   *  Anything worth doing is worth overdoing.
   *  Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. Yes is the answer.
   *  I think that I think, therefore I think that I am.
   *  The more things change, the more they stay insane.
   *  They're only trying to make me LOOK paranoid.
   *  If you don't care where you are, then you ain't lost.
   *  Do what comes naturally now. Seeth and fume and throw a tantrum.
   *  Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.
   *  Honk if you like peace and quiet.
   *  Never count your chickens before they rip your lips off.
   *  Quick!! Act as if nothing has happened!
   *  Paul Revere was a tattle-tail.
   *  Monday is an awful was to spend 1/7 of your life.
   *  Fine day to throw a party. Throw him as far as you can.
   *  Keep grandma off the streets. Legalize bingo.