Star Trek with Dilbert Management
What the 24th century would be like under today's management techniques.

After the crew is told they are now Empowered, Dr. Crusher begins doing
medical experiments on unsuspecting enlisted personnel while Worf slaughters
everyone he considers "weak".

Data fails an ISO9000 audit because the construction of his positronic brain
isn't properly documented. He curses Dr. Suhn's record keeping as he's stripped
for parts.

All members of the ship's maintenance crew are required to be involved in
Quality Circles. The loss of productive work time causes them to cut back
on scheduled repairs, resulting in a warp core breach that kills everyone.

Commander Riker is fired after a round of "right sizing". Star Fleet decided
that it didn't really need someone to seduce alien females and smirk a lot.

As part of the new Dignity Enhancement program, Piccard is forced to allow
Troi to wear uniforms that cover her breasts.

Star Fleet decides to adopt the Borg "Team Building" methods and requires all
newborn babies to be implanted with computer interface devices. As a bonus
this cuts down on carpal tunnel disability claims.

The Enterprise finds that it can no longer communicate with Star Fleet Command
because they're still running an old version of Windows and can't get budget
approval for the upgrade.

As part of a cycle time reduction plan, the crew is ordered to cut the time
necessary to encounter and escape from new life forms from once a week to 5
days a week. A re-use program is introduced under the nickname RERUNS (Reap
Earnings and Royalties Using No-longer-produced Shows).

Piccard is ordered to go to diversity sensitivity training after system logs
indicate that he has repeatedly disparaged the Ferengis, the Q, and the

A ship-wide reorganization results in Worf becoming the ship's counsellor,
Dr. Crusher taking over the engine room, Deanna managing weapons, Data running
sick bay and Geordi at the helm. They were conquered by a Klingon freighter 15
minutes later.

The crew mutinies when they are given their annual performance reviews and find
that, despite saving the universe numerous times, they're still only getting
3% raises.