Signs of life

Maternity Clothes Shop:  We are open on labor day

Non-smoking area:  If we see you smoking we will assume you are on fire and
take appropriate action

On Maternity Room Door:  "Push,Push,Push"

On a Front Door:  Everyone on the premises is a vegetarian except the dog

Optometrist's Office:  If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come
to the right place

Scientist's Door:  Gone Fission

Taxidermist Window:  We really know our stuff

Podiatrist's Window:  Time wounds all heels

Butcher's window:  Let me meat your needs

Used Car Lot:  Second Hand cars in first crash condition
Sign on Fence:  "Salesmen welcome.  Dog food is expensive"

Car Dealership:  The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment

Muffler Shop:  No appointment necessary.  We'll hear you coming

Hotel:  "Help!"  We need inn - experienced people

Butcher's Window:  Pleased to meat you

Auto Body Shop:  May we have the next dents?

Sign in an office:  We shoot every 3rd salesman, and the 2nd one just left

Veterinarians Waiting Room:  Be back in 5 minutes.  Sit!  Stay!

Music Teacher's Door:  "Out Chopin"

At the Electric Company:  "We would be delighted if you send in your bill.
However, if you don't, you will be"

Beauty Shop:  Dye now!

Garbage Truck:  We've got what it takes to take what you've got

Computer Store:  "Out for a quick byte"

Restaurant Window:  Don't stand there and be hungry, come in and get fed up

Bowling Alley:  Please be quiet.  We need to hear a pin drop

Cafeteria:  Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria.  Socks can eat any
place they want

Music Library:  Bach in a minuet

Funeral Home:  Drive carefully, we'll wait

General Conference:  Welcome! We're generally in conference.