30 Signs That Technology Has Taken Over Your Life

      1.  Your stationery is more cluttered than Warren Beatty's address
      book. The letterhead lists a fax number, e-mail addresses for two
      on-line services, and your Internet address, which spreads across the
      breadth of the letterhead and continues to the back.  In essence, you
      have conceded that the first page of any letter you write *is*

      2.  You have never sat through an entire movie without having at least
      one device on your body beep or buzz.

      3.  You need to fill out a form that must be typewritten, but you
      can't because there isn't one typewriter in your house -- only
      computers with laser printers.

      4.  You think of the gadgets in your office as "friends," but you
      forget to send your father a birthday card.

      5.  You disdain people who use low baud rates.

      6.  When you go into a computer store, you eavesdrop on a salesperson
      talking with customers -- and you butt in to correct him and spend the
      next twenty minutes answering the customers' questions, while the
      salesperson stands by silently, nodding his head.

      7.  You use the phrase "digital compression" in a conversation without
      thinking how strange your mouth feels when you say it.

      8.  You constantly find yourself in groups of people to whom you say
      the phrase "digital compression."  Everyone understands what you mean,
      and you are not surprised or disappointed that you don't have to
      explain it.

      9.  You know Bill Gates' e-mail address, but you have to look up your
      own social security number.

      10.  You stop saying "phone number" and replace it with "voice
      number," since we all know the majority of phone lines in any house
      are plugged into contraptions that talk to other contraptions.

      11.  You sign Christmas cards by putting :-) next to your signature.

      12.  Off the top of your head, you can think of nineteen keystroke
      symbols that are far more clever than :-).

      13.  You back up your data every day.

      14.  Your wife asks you to pick up some minipads for her at the store
      and you return with a rest for your mouse.

      15.  You think jokes about being unable to program a VCR are stupid.

      16.  On vacation, you are reading a computer manual and turning the
      pages faster than everyone else who is reading John Grisham novels.

      17.  The thought that a CD could refer to finance or music rarely
      enters your mind.

      18.  You are able to argue persuasively the Ross Perot's phrase
      "electronic town hall" makes more sense than the term "information
      superhighway," but you don't because, after all, the man still uses
      hand-drawn pie charts.

      19.  You go to computer trade shows and map out your path of the
      exhibit hall in advance.  But you cannot give someone directions to
      your house without looking up the street names.

      20.  You would rather get more dots per inch than miles per gallon.

      21.  You become upset when a person calls you on the phone to sell you
      something, but you think it's okay for a computer to call and demand
      that you start pushing buttons on your telephone to receive more
      information about the product it is selling.

      22.  You know without a doubt that disks come in five-and-a-
      quarter-and three-and-a-half-inch sizes.

      23.  Al Gore strikes you as an "intriguing" fellow.

      24.  You own a set of itty-bitty screw-drivers and you actually know
      where they are.

      25.  While contemporaries swap stories about their recent hernia
      surgeries, you compare mouse-induced index-finger strain with a

      26.  You are so knowledgeable about technology that you feel secure
      enough to say "I don't know" when someone asks you a technology
      question instead of feeling compelled to make something up.

      27.  You rotate your screen savers more frequently than your
      automobile tires.

      28.  You have a functioning home copier machine, but every toaster you
      own turns bread into charcoal.

      29.  You have ended friendships because of irreconcilably different
      opinions about which is better -- the track ball or the track *pad*.

      30.  You understand all the jokes in this message.  If so, my friend,
      technology has taken over your life.  We suggest, for your own good,
      that you go lie under a tree and write a haiku.  And don't use a

      31. You email this message to your friends over the net. You'd never
      get around to showing it to them in person or reading it to them on
      the phone. In fact, you have probably never met most of these people