Uzi vs. The Computer Yossie Silverman (Yossie @ Bitnic) The following advertisement appeared in one of the munition magazines: The Guy on the Right Doesn't Stand a Chance. The guy on the right has the Osborne 1, a fully functional computer system in a portable package the size of a briefcase. The guy on the left has an Uzi submachine gun concealed in his attache case. Also in the case are four fully loaded, 32 round clips of 125 grain 9 mm ammunition. The owner of the Uzi is going to get more tactical firepower delivered -- and delivered on target -- in less time and with less effort. All for $795. It's inevitable. If you're going up against some guy with an Osborne 1 -- or any personal computer -- he's the one whose in trouble. One round from an Uzi can zip through ten inches of solid pine wood, so you can imagine what it will do to structural foam acrylic and sheet aluminum. In fact, detachable magazines for the Uzi are available in 25-, 32-, and 40-round capacities, so you can take out an entire office full of Apple II or IBM Personal Computers tied into Ethernet or other local area networks. What about the new 16-bit computers, like the Lisa and Fortune? Even with the Winchester backup they're no match for the Uzi. One quick burst and they'll find what UNIX means. Make your commanding officer proud. Get an Uzi -- and come home a winner in the fight for office automatic weapons.