One Line Signatures from the Internet * Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear. * Daddy, why doesn't this magnet pick up this floppy disk? * Give me ambiguity or give me something else. * I.R.S.: We've got what it takes to take what you've got! * We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse. * Pentiums melt in your PC, not in your hand. * Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake! * The secret of the universe is @*&^^^ NO CARRIER * Did anyone see my lost carrier? * Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot. * I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing! * He who laughs last thinks slowest! * Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else. * "More hay, Trigger?" "No thanks, Roy, I'm stuffed!" * A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries. * Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math. * Error, no keyboard - press F1 to continue. * There's too much blood in my caffeine system. * Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity. * I wouldn't be caught dead with a necrophiliac. * Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control! * Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now. * Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies. * I won't rise to the occaasion, but I'll slide over to it. * Ever notice how fast Windows runs? Neither did I. * Double your drive space - delete Windows! * What is a "free" gift ? Aren't all gifts free? * Assassins do it from behind. * If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic. * "Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes." * Consciousness: that annoying time between naps. * Oops. My brain just hit a bad sector. * I used to have a handle on life, then it broke. * Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive. * I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it. * The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette. * Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot. * The gene pool could use a little chlorine. * When there's a will, I want to be in it. * Okay, who put a "stop payment" on my reality check? * Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs. * I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar. * We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART? * All generalizations are false, including this one. * Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. * C program run. C program crash. C programmer quit. * "Criminal Lawyer" is a redundancy.